Woman #1: What’s wrong with Eddie*?
Woman #2: Oh, Eddie* gets claustrophobic in the city.
Little boy: That means he’s afraid of Santa Claus!
–39th St & 6th Ave
Archive for 2008
The Invisible Hand Behind All New York’s Debauchery
Girl: Alright, well, this is my stop, I gotta go.
Friend: (shouting from open doors) Okay, but don’t say I didn’t try to warn you! He’s got a tiny-ass dick and he sure as hell don’t know how to use it!
–1 Train
Overheard by: liz
Real Life Is Fuzzy by Comparison
Woman: You know, the only shots Beth* will take are jello shots. She loves them!
Friend: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Woman: I know, I mean she’s 93 years old and still hopping. She loves the high-def television.
–B.L.T Prime, E. 22nd St
Overheard by: cracking up by the coat check
What Those Perky Weather People Really Say During Commercials
Wife: It’s raining outside.
Husband: It isn’t. They’re playing storm sound effects.
Wife: I can see the street from here. It’s raining.
Husband: Why do you go out of your way to prove me wrong every single moment?
–Hilton Theatre Lobby
Raise Your Hand If You Wish You’d Been There
20-something tall black bellhop: I challenge you, right now, to a salsa dance-off.
70-year-old short Latino bellhop: Go get a radio.
–Peninsula Hotel
Overheard by: Carol
First a Tip… Then the Whole Shaft
Guy: What makes you think the guy she likes is gay?
Girl: He’s a bartender in a gay bar. But he says it’s only because they tip better.
–Cosi, 13th & Broadway
He Said It with an Ominous Voice and a Mr. Burns Finger-Touch
Elderly woman on stretcher: Is the ambulance heated?
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver: Yes.
Elderly woman on stretcher: I’m gonna freeze to death.
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver (smiling, tenderly): No, you’re gonna sweat to death.
–63rd b/w Park & Lexington
Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck
And That Chocolate Milk Was Hardcore
Guy to bartender (about friend standing next to him): I could barely get this guy to drink last night!
Friend: Dude! I was driving!
–Barcelona Bar
Overheard by: Friend for Drunk Driving
Then She Barks at Me and Pees on the Cardboard
Very drunk, seemingly homeless man with cane (to entire car): Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, everyone!
(everyone in car stares)
Drunk man: I’m not homeless, I’m just very drunk. I got a woman at home who ain’t got no job and I keep telling her, bitch, get outta my house and get a job!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Melissa Sills
The Side Of Jared Subway Doesn’t Want You to See
Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin’ shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh…
Guy #1: I don’t like this. I liked being fat.
–CVS, Allerton
Overheard by: Lee
