Archive for 2008

Please Ac­cept My Apolo­gies on Be­half of the Galac­tic Coun­cil

(guy gets up as train starts to move and be­gins ram­bling crazi­ly)
Tourist girl: Stop it! You’re scar­ing me! (to par­ents) make him stop! (to him) Stop it! (to mom) I want to get off this train!
Tourist dad: Ex­cuse me, you’re scar­ing my daugh­ter.
Crazy guy: Am I scar­ing her?

–3 Train

Over­heard by: Glad I on­ly went one stop

To Be Fair, Sir, You Do Look Like You Swal­lowed An­oth­er Per­son

(man and woman ar­gu­ing with a for­eign­er)
For­eign­er: How many pas­sen­ger?
Man: Two.
For­eign­er: Three?
Man: No, two.
For­eign­er: Three?
Man: Two! Two! (holds up two fin­gers) Me and her! (points to the woman)
For­eign­er: Ah. Three!
Man: Je­sus fuck­ing Christ, where did you come from?

–JFK Air­port

Over­heard by: Ang­ie

Tourist Sea­son Is New York’s Hunt­ing Sea­son

Con­duc­tor: At­ten­tion, pas­sen­gers. This is the last stop on this N train. For ser­vice to Brook­lyn, please ex­it and take the R train. Again…
Tourist: Wait, is this the N train?
Pas­sen­ger: Yes.
Tourist: Does the N train go to Brook­lyn?
Pas­sen­ger: Yes.
Tourist: Does this train go to Brook­lyn?
Pas­sen­ger, ex­it­ing: No.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Still search­ing for the log­i­cal flaw

Lit­tle Girl: Mom, Why Do Fat Girls Wear Tight Clothes?

Chick #1, pass­ing lit­tle girl on the street: Did you see that lit­tle girl?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: She gave me the stink eye! That lit­tle four-year-old bitch gave me the stink eye!
Chick #2 (turns around to look at the lit­tle girl who’s still star­ing at them): Holy shit, she’s still look­ing! That bitch is crazy. Run!

–Union Square