Archive for 2008

Did She Give You Milk and Cookies?

Bearded hipster: … And so I walked into this bar, and this chick just jumped on me and was like, ‘I love your beard!’ I was the only one with a beard, y’know?
Friend: Dude, you look like Santa Claus at, like, age seventeen.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: prefers clean-chaven men

That Might Be Best

Drama queen, looking at watch: I hope you’re happy. We missed our train.
Stressed mother: Okay, okay… Let’s just look at the board and see when the next train into Stamford IS.
Drama queen: Mo-ooom…
Stressed mother: Listen, Bethany, I can’t help it if the cab driver couldn’t speak English and took us to the wrong place.
Drama queen: I think we both know that we’re late because you’re a fatass and had to stop at Starbucks.
Stressed mother: Bethany, enough.
Drama queen: Mom, I am a child model. I make more money than you do, and I could probably figure out the damn train if you’d let me.
Stressed mother: Enough.
Drama queen: If we don’t get back to Vermont by nine o’clock tonight, I’m never speaking to you again.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Christine

Tony: Stop Objectifying Me!

Redhead: And look — he gave me a hickey last night.
Man: I thought he was gay.
Redhead: He is.
Man: Oh, good. I was afraid my radar stopped working.
Guy behind them: I was going to say, ‘He deserves a fucking Oscar for his gayness.’ Or Tony. Whatever.

–55th St, between 2nd & 3rd

Straight Outta Disney, Y’all

Little boy: I saw Bambi at Adam’s house, and did you know that Bambi’s mother died?
Black nanny: I didn’t know that. How did she die?
Little boy: She was shot.
Black nanny: Damn. That’s some Compton shit right there.

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: flower and thumper were strapped

Is That How Identity Theft Works?

College guy #1: Did Dwayne go home this weekend?
College guy #2: Yeah. Like a bitch.
College guy #1: I think we should just call him Drew. Then nobody will know who he is.

–School of Visual Arts dorm

Psych! I Know You Used to Have a Career.

David Lee Roth: Hey, kid, you want a ticket to Van Halen?
20-something: Sure, sounds good.
David Lee Roth: Psych! Get the fuck out of here, kid.
Bouncer, to 20-something: You know that was David Lee Roth, right?
20-something, turning to David Lee Roth: Holy shit, you’re the guy from the Adam Sandler song!

–Outside Scores, 60th & 1st

Overheard by: Adam Nathan