Archive for 2008

Did She Give You Milk and Cook­ies?

Beard­ed hip­ster: … And so I walked in­to this bar, and this chick just jumped on me and was like, ‘I love your beard!’ I was the on­ly one with a beard, y’­know?
Friend: Dude, you look like San­ta Claus at, like, age sev­en­teen.

–Brook­lyn-bound F train

Over­heard by: prefers clean-chaven men

That Might Be Best

Dra­ma queen, look­ing at watch: I hope you’re hap­py. We missed our train.
Stressed moth­er: Okay, okay… Let’s just look at the board and see when the next train in­to Stam­ford IS.
Dra­ma queen: Mo-ooom…
Stressed moth­er: Lis­ten, Bethany, I can’t help it if the cab dri­ver could­n’t speak Eng­lish and took us to the wrong place.
Dra­ma queen: I think we both know that we’re late be­cause you’re a fa­tass and had to stop at Star­bucks.
Stressed moth­er: Bethany, enough.
Dra­ma queen: Mom, I am a child mod­el. I make more mon­ey than you do, and I could prob­a­bly fig­ure out the damn train if you’d let me.
Stressed moth­er: Enough.
Dra­ma queen: If we don’t get back to Ver­mont by nine o’­clock tonight, I’m nev­er speak­ing to you again.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

Tony: Stop Ob­jec­ti­fy­ing Me!

Red­head: And look — he gave me a hick­ey last night.
Man: I thought he was gay.
Red­head: He is.
Man: Oh, good. I was afraid my radar stopped work­ing.
Guy be­hind them: I was go­ing to say, ‘He de­serves a fuck­ing Os­car for his gay­ness.’ Or Tony. What­ev­er.

–55th St, be­tween 2nd & 3rd

Straight Out­ta Dis­ney, Y’all

Lit­tle boy: I saw Bam­bi at Adam’s house, and did you know that Bam­bi’s moth­er died?
Black nan­ny: I did­n’t know that. How did she die?
Lit­tle boy: She was shot.
Black nan­ny: Damn. That’s some Comp­ton shit right there.

–83rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: flower and thumper were strapped

Is That How Iden­ti­ty Theft Works?

Col­lege guy #1: Did Dwayne go home this week­end?
Col­lege guy #2: Yeah. Like a bitch.
Col­lege guy #1: I think we should just call him Drew. Then no­body will know who he is.

–School of Vi­su­al Arts dorm

Psych! I Know You Used to Have a Ca­reer.

David Lee Roth: Hey, kid, you want a tick­et to Van Halen?
20-some­thing: Sure, sounds good.
David Lee Roth: Psych! Get the fuck out of here, kid.
Bounc­er, to 20-some­thing: You know that was David Lee Roth, right?
20-some­thing, turn­ing to David Lee Roth: Holy shit, you’re the guy from the Adam San­dler song!

–Out­side Scores, 60th & 1st

Over­heard by: Adam Nathan