Archive for 2008

Can We Take a Pic­ture with the Pissed-Off Guy, Hon­ey?

(spec­ta­tors gath­er be­hind a wall of pa­parazzi tak­ing pic­tures)
Tourist woman: Who is that?
Guy #1: David Wright and Willie Ran­dolph.
Tourist woman: Who are they?
Guy #1: Base­ball play­ers.
Tourist woman: Ooooh. Which team?
Guy #1: The Mets.
Tourist woman: Oh. Hon­ey! It’s just the Mets, let’s go.
Guy #2 (with Mets hat): Hey! Fuck you!

–43rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: am

…Wait– Was That a Sex Joke?

(back door opens and clos­es, then the bus starts mov­ing)
Ob­nox­ious His­pan­ic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus dri­ver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Ob­nox­ious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus dri­ver: I have a fam­i­ly! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Ob­nox­ious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus dri­ver: Ladies and gen­tle­men, our fu­ture.

–Bx41

Over­heard by: If He’s Dis­s­a­point­ed with this I hope he nev­er walks in­to one of New York’s pub­lic schools

Je­sus Wept

Late teenage girl #1: I was gonna go to col­lege but I got preg­nant.
Late teenage girl #2: So did I.
Late teenage girl #1: How old is your kid?
Late teenage girl #2: My kid is four. What about yours?
Late teenage girl #1: She’s three. I should have gone to col­lege. My grades were so good I got ac­cept­ed to Syl­van Learn­ing Cen­ter.
Late teenage girl #2 (se­ri­ous): Wow, you must be smart.

–A Train

Don’t They Know They Can’t Jump?

Teen kid #1: Yo white peo­ple have too much free time to do stu­pid shit.
Teen kid #2: Yeah, I know: like jump off 30-sto­ry build­ings, like those two kids.
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I once saw this white guy who tried to jump over a car and got split in two, like the car was com­ing at him, and he tried to jump, but it hit him and split him in two pieces right down the mid­dle.
Teen kid #2: For re­al, you saw that hap­pen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah.
Teen kid #2: Like in per­son, you saw it hap­pen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I saw it hap­pen in per­son on TV last night.

–5 Train

Over­heard by: b

The Girls Learn How Im­por­tant It Is to Be Cute

Man: That’s a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was go­ing to get a dog at the shel­ter, but he did­n’t want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have got­ten at the shel­ter died, be­cause it was a kill shel­ter.
Dad: Um, I’m not re­al­ly tak­ing full re­spon­si­bil­i­ty for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just be­cause you did­n’t want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Re­al­ly. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.

–El­e­va­tor, 82nd & 3rd

Over­heard by: emi­ly