Archive for 2008

Just Be Thank­ful Your Imag­i­na­tion Stops There

Geeky kid #1: So they were talk­ing about cre­ma­tion, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ash­es turned in­to a di­a­mond, like for your near­est and dear­est to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imag­ine if your wife wore it while she fucked some oth­er guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imag­ine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Bea 61

Then You Prob­a­bly Have No In­ter­est in Play­ing Foot­ball

Lit­tle boy: Grand­ma, can I play foot­ball?
Grand­ma: I don’t know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Lit­tle boy: Grand­ma, can I play foot­ball if I get an F in school?
Grand­ma: No, you can’t play if you get an F.
Lit­tle boy: But what if it’s an F for “fab­u­lous”?

–Nos­trand Ave

Over­heard by: aja

Ex­cept the Oc­ca­sion­al Ba­by

Loud man in mo­tor­cy­cle jack­et to ta­ble of friends: I wear a wed­ding band on job in­ter­views… Makes them think that I’m com­mit­ted and re­spon­si­ble.
Chick: That’s a good idea!
Loud man: I al­so wear it to the club, chicks dig a guy who can com­mit.
Chick: That’s so true! But wait… You’re not mar­ried?
Loud man: Nah, I just live with my baby’s ma­ma… We sleep in the same bed but noth­ing ever hap­pens.

–Tony’s Pier, City Is­land

Over­heard by: Fu­lana Pepa

They Have Noth­ing to Lose and They’re Not Afraid to Die

Crazy guy: I don’t give a fuck! I’ll fight all ya’ll mutha­fuckas! I’m from Brook­lyn East New York, nig­ga! I’ll fuck up every mutha­fuc­ka in here…
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I’ll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it’s grey! You don’t talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh… I don’t fight old people–that’s bad luck. (awk­ward­ly ex­its car)

–1 Train

Screw This– Let’s Just Go to the Twin Tow­ers

Curly-haired boy: This is not the Em­pire State Build­ing!
Girl in yel­low pants: It clear­ly says it is on the build­ing. They’re just re­mod­el­ing the top.
Curly-haired boy: No, they’re just ad­ver­tis­ing for the Em­pire State Build­ing. This is not it.
Girl in yel­low pants: I’ll go ask the se­cu­ri­ty guard.
(girl leaves with an­oth­er boy, comes back)
Girl in yel­low pants: There, even he said it is the Em­pire State.
Curly-haired boy: You saw how he laughed at you when you asked. He was trick­ing you.

–In front of Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: thereyo