Archive for 2008

Works Great With an Elec­tric Sander

Boy #1: Dude, I want a per­son­al ball-wash­er.
Boy #2: That’s not sexy. That shit hurts!
Boy #1: What hurts? Wash­ing your balls does not hurt.
Boy #2: It does if you do a good job.
Boy #1: There’s some­thing wrong with you.
Boy #2: It hurts if you get a good scrub in!
Boy #1: What kind of soap do you use?
Boy #2: Zest, cuz that shit smells de­li­cious.

–67th & 2nd

Over­heard by: glad i’m not a boy

Who Ma­jors in Nine­teenth Cen­tu­ry In­sec­ti­cides, Any­way?

NYU stu­dent #1: Who is Paris Green, any­way?
NYU stu­dent #2: Did­n’t he man­age the Yan­kees for a lit­tle while?
NYU stu­dent #3: That was Dal­las Green.
NYU stu­dent #1: Are they re­lat­ed?
NYU stu­dent #3: They used to use Paris Green to kill rats.
NYU stu­dent #2: He was an ex­ter­mi­na­tor?
NYU stu­dent #1: Ei­ther way, I fucked up the test.

–Star­bucks, Green­wich Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Moral Of the Sto­ry: When in Doubt, Guess “George”

Ston­er #1: Okay, so George Bush is our Pres­i­dent, right?
Ston­er #2: Yeah.
Ston­er #1: If the Vice Pres­i­dent dies, who’s the Pres­i­dent?
Ston­er #2: Umm… George Wash­ing­ton.
(hys­ter­i­cal laugh­ter)
Ston­er #3: You bring­ing back nig­gas from the dead and shit.
Ston­er #1: You just like my dad, we asked him who was the first Pres­i­dent, he was like (im­i­tates Asian ac­cent) Oh, oh…okay, I know this, I know this… George Lin­coln.

–In­ter­net Cafe, Mott St.

Over­heard by: Hugh

Sig­nal­ing the End of Cul­ture

Guy in suit: They have been try­ing to fig­ure why all the bees are dis­ap­pear­ing, but they haven’t per­formed any au­top­sies yet.
Oth­er guy: Re­al­ly? Well, aren’t they dis­ap­pear­ing be­cause of cell phones?
Guy in suit: Why would they start dis­ap­pear­ing now, then? Cell phones have been around for a while.

–50th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Au­top­sy?