Construction worker taking coffee order: I don’t think they have what you want at that deli.
Construction worker placing order: They have to have it. This is America, where do you think we are, Alaska?
–Construction Site, Bronx Zoo
Archive for 2008
How the Ceremony of Innocence Got Drowned
Guy #1: Dude, what the fuck is that shit on your hands?
Guy #2: It’s only vaginal blood.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Grossed out
People Going Bananas and Everything
Large man yelling amidst Friday shopping crowds: Yeah, you best be walking on, you fucking gorilla! You a fucking gorilla bitch! That’s right, a gorilla bitch! You holding back the race!
Hipster passing by: God, I missed my city.
–Union Square
Filed in the Dictionary Under “Hipster”
Boyfriend: That’s why I like you: you’re so unpretentious.
Girlfriend: I’m not unpretentious, I’m a reverse snob.
–Central Park
As an Added Bonus, He’ll Remind All My Colleagues That Their Workday Could Be Worse
Woman: Hey, who’s the kid?
Friend: Oh, he’s coming with me for “Take Your Kid to Work Day.“
Woman: I didn’t know you had a son.
Friend: I don’t. This is my nephew. He was stealing money from my purse, so I’m gonna make his life hell for a day.
15-year-old (sarcastically): Yeah, because any day I get to miss school is total hell for me.
Friend: Shut your hole or I’ll leave you for the hobos!
–F Train
After I Whip You, We’ll Get Baked
Husband: I would be the egg and you would be the quiche.
Wife: I am the quiche.
Husband: Aww, my little quichey!
–LaGuardia Airport
…Is That Why He Kept Accidentally Touching My Ass?
Girl #1: Oh my god! That man has an invisible dog leash!
Girl #2: What are you talking about? That is a blind man and his walking stick!
Girl #1: Oh.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Sara
This Is Why We Were Kicked Out Of Kansas, Honey
Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she’s hitting me! She’s hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!
–Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway
She Still Thinks “Bad Moon on the Rise” Is “Bathroom on the Right”
Columbia chick #1: Damn, he’s sexy in a right girl’s island kind of way.
Columbia chick #2: Don’t you mean “Rikers Island”?
–113th & Broadway
I Gotta Tell You, That Trash Can’s Looking Pretty Good
Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it’s a good thing I’ve changed, because if I hadn’t, I’d be fucking everything in sight right now.
–Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria
Overheard by: ALi
