Archive for 2008

As an Added Bonus, He’ll Re­mind All My Col­leagues That Their Work­day Could Be Worse

Woman: Hey, who’s the kid?
Friend: Oh, he’s com­ing with me for “Take Your Kid to Work Day.“
Woman: I did­n’t know you had a son.
Friend: I don’t. This is my nephew. He was steal­ing mon­ey from my purse, so I’m gonna make his life hell for a day.
15-year-old (sar­cas­ti­cal­ly): Yeah, be­cause any day I get to miss school is to­tal hell for me.
Friend: Shut your hole or I’ll leave you for the ho­bos!

–F Train

I Got­ta Tell You, That Trash Can’s Look­ing Pret­ty Good

Drunk chick: Ap­par­ent­ly there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and al­so a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Re­al­ly?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it’s a good thing I’ve changed, be­cause if I had­n’t, I’d be fuck­ing every­thing in sight right now.

–Bath­room, Beer Gar­den in As­to­ria

Over­heard by: ALi