Teenage girl: What stop do we get off at again?
Mom: Brick Church.
Teenage girl: What?
Mom: Brick Church.
Teenage girl: Brick?
Mom: Yes, as in “I want to throw a brick at you.”
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Sharing the Same Sentiment
Archive for 2008
Only Matt Dillon’s Dick Has Been in Audrey Hepburn’s Ass
Hobo, interrupting a guy and a girl: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette or get some spare change?
Young man: I’m low on cash and sorry, but I have a cigarette for you. (hands hobo a cigarette) Do you need a light?
Hobo: Nope. (walks away)
(young man and woman continue conversation, hobo comes back and interrupts again)
Hobo: Can I ask you a question?
Young man: Shoot!
Hobo: What does Matt Damon’s dick look like in Audrey Hepburn’s ass?
Young woman: Trick question.
(hobo gives them the finger, walks away)
–Central Park
Mel Was Just Setting Us Up for His DUI Bust
Black man #1, talking about Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ: Yo, you remember the prostitute?
Black man #2: What?
Black man #1: The prostitute. He saved her life.
Black man #2: By the well, dog, getting water.
Black man #1: Right. Niggas is like, drinking beers, and they goin’ throw stones at her, ’til he be like, only them that ain’t sinned can throw rocks, and they all backed down.
Black man #2: Yo, that shit was tight, man.
–Q Train
Like a Spent Cartridge
Nanny: Do you still like that boy from your class?
Six-year-old girl: No! He stinks.
Nanny: Aww, what happened? He was so cute, I thought.
Six-year-old girl: I know. But he ejected me.
Nanny: Rejected you?
Six-year-old girl: Ejected me!
–Smith & 9th Station
He Can’t Afford His Own Apartment?
Girl: So, I found out something about my roommate.
Guy #1: Oh yeah? What?
Girl: Turns out my roommate’s a porn star.
Guy #1: Wait, wait, is your roommate a guy or a girl?
Girl: It’s a guy.
Guy #2: Stop!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: derwin
The Ambiguously Gay Duo?
Girl: Guys have boobs too!
Guy: (…)
Girl: Who are those two guys that have boobs?
Guy: (…)
Girl: Oh! Batman and Robin!
–1 Train
Is That a JCrew Polo You’re Wearing, Mr. Yuppie-Hater?
Young wanna-be-badass teen: I hate yuppies!
Man: I hate 14-year-olds!
Young wanna-be-badass teen: Me too!
Man: So, what, you’re 13?
Young wanna-be-badass teen: Yeah.
Man: I was close.
–F Frain
Overheard by: ames
Small Talk, New York Style
Black hobo to passing tourist: Where you from?
Tourist: Ireland.
Black hobo: You Irish?
Tourist: Yeah.
Black hobo: Well, god bless the Irish. And god bless the Italians. And fuck everyone else!
–8th Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Doug Tischler
…Oh– Hi, Mom
Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won’t let me on because I’m black!
Black teen: It’s not because you black, nigga, it’s because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.
–M14 Bus
Overheard by: Student Teacher
Nothing Involving African Americans, Ma’am
Hoochie lady to friend: Hooooo! Girl! Close yo’ legs! You stinking up the whole damn train!
(stranger laughs)
Friend to stranger: What you think is so funny, white boy?
–Metro North
