Archive for 2008

Only Matt Dillon's Dick Has Been in Audrey Hepburn's Ass

Hobo, interrupting a guy and a girl: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette or get some spare change?
Young man: I'm low on cash and sorry, but I have a cigarette for you. (hands hobo a cigarette) Do you need a light?
Hobo: Nope. (walks away)
(young man and woman continue conversation, hobo comes back and interrupts again)
Hobo: Can I ask you a question?
Young man: Shoot!
Hobo: What does Matt Damon's dick look like in Audrey Hepburn's ass?
Young woman: Trick question.
(hobo gives them the finger, walks away)

–Central Park

Mel Was Just Setting Us Up for His DUI Bust

Black man #1, talking about Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ: Yo, you remember the prostitute?
Black man #2: What?
Black man #1: The prostitute. He saved her life.
Black man #2: By the well, dog, getting water.
Black man #1: Right. Niggas is like, drinking beers, and they goin' throw stones at her, 'til he be like, only them that ain't sinned can throw rocks, and they all backed down.
Black man #2: Yo, that shit was tight, man.

–Q Train

…Oh– Hi, Mom

Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.

–M14 Bus

Overheard by: Student Teacher