Archive for 2008

Poor Winners Are Even Nastier Than Poor Losers

Girl: Oh shit! A dime!
(a stoner boy steps on the dime as the girl goes to pick it up)
Girl: Hey, could you please move? Hey, you’re stepping on a dime! Hey!
(boy drags foot forwards with dime under it, ignoring her)
Girl, trying to lift the boy’s foot: Get off! Get off the dime! Jesus! Hey! You’re stepping on a dime! Get off!
(boy slides forward again and the dime slips out. He continues sliding his feet towards a stairway)
Girl (holding up dime triumphantly): Yes! A dime! (pointing at boy) You! I will kill your family!

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: I love this school

…To Use One of Emily Dickinson’s Lesser-Known Similes

English professor: So who here is eligible to vote but isn’t?
(student raises hand)
English professor: Why aren’t you voting?
Ditzy Asian girl: I dunno… I just don’t know who to vote for.
English professor: But…they’re so different. They’re like chocolate ice cream and…gravel.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Shakti

I’m About Twelve and a Half Hours Gay

Coked-out girl: Your friend is hot. Is she gay?
Drunk girl: I don’t know. Are you gay?
Coked-out girl: I like the way Shakira puts it. (singing) “Whenever, wherever, we’re meant to be together.”
(later on)
Coked-out girl: Are you as straight as the day is long?
Drunk girl: Um, it depends…how long is the day?
Coked-out girl: Fourteen hours.

–Sophie’s, 5th & Ave A

Overheard by: amazed

Homeland Security Guidelines Get More Bizarre by the Year

Dude, to other dude with a small backpack: Is that the new backpack nano? What do you have in there, an apple and a bottle of water? You carrying acorns around in there? One package of skittles? An abridged copy of…The Old Man and the Sea?
Backpack dude: Do I really have to explain my backpack to you?

–L Train

Overheard by: ultra-condensed movies

Identical Twins Have the Strangest Relationships

Black guy (spotting a friend): Hey man, what’s up? You know you one ugly motherfucka? (laughs)
Black guy #2: Dude, youse the ugly nigga. You’ve been one ugly motherfucka for ten years.
Black guy #1: You’ve been an ugly motherfucka since you was born.
(time passes, they talk in their separate groups of friends. Black guy #1 gets off train)
Black guy #2’s friend: Yo, your ugly nigga just left.
Black guy #2: He is one ugly mothafucka isn’t he? (laughs).

–1 Train