Why Clifford the Big Red Dog and Lex Luther Need to Be Kept Apart at Cartoon Galas

Guy #1, to friend with shaved head: You look like a penis.
Guy #2: Yeah, well…you have red hair. (mumbling) Freaky ginger child.

–M86 Bus

Many Birds Have Difficulty Adjusting to City Life

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (doors stay open) Pull yourself inside the door and let it close! (still open) Pull your pecker in! (doors close)

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: drew

New Yorkers Are Beginning to Understand How People in Other Countries Feel About Americans

Woman with baby to subway attendant: How do I get to the Empire Trade Center from Canal St?
Friend: Nah, how do we get to where them Twin Towers fell at?

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

She Usually Keeps a Blonde Around to Make Herself Look Smarter

Drunk redhead: What’s your name again?
Not-so-drunk brunette: It’s Autumn.
Drunk redhead: You mean like the month?

–41^st St

I Mean, Who’d Want Tuesdays to Be Field Holler Night?

Girl #1: We had to go out and drink tonight, it’s Lincoln’s birthday! He did so much for us.
Girl #2: Without Lincoln being born we might never have freed the slaves, and if we never freed the slaves we wouldn’t have hip-hop music…
Girl #1: And no hip-hop night at home on Tuesdays! We clearly had to go out.

–9^th & 27^th

There’s That Ivy League Logic

Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don’t have anything on you, they can’t arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?

–Columbia University

And We’d Be a Couple of Lost Soles

Stoner preteen #1: I wonder if we could travel to the sun.
Stoner preteen #2: Yeah, dude. I wonder what would happen if we stood on it.
Stoner preteen #1: Our feet would totally burn.

–R Train

Then There’s an Orchestral Interlude

Guy: Jimmy wrote a rap.
Girl: Is it good?
Guy: It was… “I’ma fuck her, I’ma fuck her, I’ma fuck her, I’ma fuck her in different ways.“
Girl: Oh.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Alex Berger

The Size of Their Instruments

Barista: Weren’t you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?

–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Kosi

Wanna Come Over and See My Antlers?

Guy #1: Shoot him in the dick!
Girl playing Big Buck Hunter: I like dicks, but usually I make them do the shooting!
Guy #2: I like where this is headed!

–Black Bear Lodge

Overheard by: DR G LUV