Overheard In New York

Archive for 2008

Lit­tle Did She Know, How Close She Ac­tu­al­ly Came to Catch­ing “Hobo”

Hobo: Yo ba­by, I’ll give you this dol­lar if you give me that Coke.
Woman (hold­ing a half-emp­ty bot­tle of Di­et Coke): Uh, no.
Hobo: Then at least go out to din­ner with me!
Woman: No.
Hobo: Bitch, I’m a self-made mil­lion­aire! Fuck you!
Woman (walk­ing away quick­ly): I knew I should­n’t have made eye con­tact.

–Chi­na­town

Over­heard by: Brit­ta

Spo­ken Like Some­one Who’s Nev­er Seen a Cab­bie Dri­ve

Daugh­ter: Okay. So we’ve got to take the n up­town. It should be ar­riv­ing on this track soon.
Tourist mom: But that sign says the n goes to Queens. I don’t wan­na to to Queens.
Daugh­ter: Yes, it goes to Queens but we’re get­ting off way be­fore then. It just ends in Queens, don’t wor­ry.
Tourist mom: Don’t wor­ry?! The sign says the n goes to Queens. And that it’s an ex­press! An ex­press to Queens?! I don’t think so. Let’s just go take a cab…it’ll be safer.

–Her­ald Square Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: vmorgs

The Day Monique Got Run Over

El­e­gant­ly dressed French la­dy, speak­ing to New York Bus Ser­vice rep­re­sen­ta­tive: Ex­cuse me, when does the bus ar­rive?
Over­weight rep­re­sen­ta­tive, scream­ing: The port au­thor­i­tah bus come ‘er­ry ha’f hour!
El­e­gant­ly dressed French la­dy (paus­ing and turn­ing to French friend): Wow. And I thought my Eng­lish sucked.

–Ter­mi­nal One, JFK

Over­heard by: James

From Com­plain­ing About the Dis­charge?

Pa­tient: I think my boyfriend and I have con­tract­ed ei­ther gon­or­rhea or chlamy­dia.
Doc­tor: What makes you say that?
Pa­tient: Well, he’s hav­ing kind of a pussy dis­charge from his pe­nis and a burn­ing sen­sa­tion when he uri­nates.
Doc­tor: And what symp­toms have you been hav­ing?
Pa­tient: Well, I’ve had a sore throat…

–NYU Med­ical Cen­ter

Over­heard by: The nurse who just had to hear this sto­ry…