Surprised Teen, after a lengthy conversation between her friend and guy friend: He’s gay?
Friend: Mmmhmm…
Surprised Teen: Can’t be! He’s soooo nice!
–Penn Station
Archive for 2008
Little Did She Know, How Close She Actually Came to Catching “Hobo”
Hobo: Yo baby, I’ll give you this dollar if you give me that Coke.
Woman (holding a half-empty bottle of Diet Coke): Uh, no.
Hobo: Then at least go out to dinner with me!
Woman: No.
Hobo: Bitch, I’m a self-made millionaire! Fuck you!
Woman (walking away quickly): I knew I shouldn’t have made eye contact.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Britta
And If It Turns Out It Was Your Daughter? She’s Dead
MTA worker: Back in the day, cops let those gangs use all kinds of shit–chains, knives, pipes–but no guns. These days I’m afraid to let my son go out.
Young mom: Shit, you gotta be afraid for your daughter–some bitch tried to stab me two days ago!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: conspicuous white guy
Spoken Like Someone Who’s Never Seen a Cabbie Drive
Daughter: Okay. So we’ve got to take the n uptown. It should be arriving on this track soon.
Tourist mom: But that sign says the n goes to Queens. I don’t wanna to to Queens.
Daughter: Yes, it goes to Queens but we’re getting off way before then. It just ends in Queens, don’t worry.
Tourist mom: Don’t worry?! The sign says the n goes to Queens. And that it’s an express! An express to Queens?! I don’t think so. Let’s just go take a cab…it’ll be safer.
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: vmorgs
The Day Monique Got Run Over
Elegantly dressed French lady, speaking to New York Bus Service representative: Excuse me, when does the bus arrive?
Overweight representative, screaming: The port authoritah bus come ‘erry ha’f hour!
Elegantly dressed French lady (pausing and turning to French friend): Wow. And I thought my English sucked.
–Terminal One, JFK
Overheard by: James
I Don’t Know, I Still Can’t Figured Out What Possessed Me to Cum in It
Girl #1: Did you get tested for AIDS?
Girl #2: Yes, but they haven’t gotten back to me yet.
Girl #1: Dammit! Why did i drink from your water bottle?
–74th & Riverside
Overheard by: a fox
Finally, Someone She Understands
Asian Guy #1: You know what I wanna watch?
Ditzy Asian Teen: What?
Asian Guy #1: Talladega Nights.
Asian Guy #2: The story of a man who could only count to one!
Ditzy Asian Teen: Really? There’s a story like that?
–68th & Lexington
Overheard by: dog run
From Complaining About the Discharge?
Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he’s having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I’ve had a sore throat…
–NYU Medical Center
Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…
Paul Reubens Is Really Down on His Luck
Kid on bicycle which is far too big for him to guy jogging by: Damn, mister, it’s too hot to be running…wanna buy a bike?
–Carmine & 7th Ave
How You Know Your Little Boy is Straight
Employee: I like your pink shirt.
Coworker’s 9‑year-old nephew: It’s not pink; it’s white with pink and green stripes.
Employee: So you like to wear pink?
Coworker’s 9‑year-old nephew: My shirt *isn’t* pink! (now shouting) It’s white with pink and green stripes and it takes a real man to wear pink!
–Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Synitta Walker
