Guy #1: What time are we going to beat off?
Guy #2: What, together? Midnight, of course!
Guy #1, exasperated: No, not together! That’s so last year!
–6th & 1st
Guy #1: What time are we going to beat off?
Guy #2: What, together? Midnight, of course!
Guy #1, exasperated: No, not together! That’s so last year!
–6th & 1st
Cashier #1: Ugh, I can’t stand Muhammad.
Cashier #2: I don’t mind him. He dumb.
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Nerd chick: So, are you gonna see Ahmadinejad speak today, or go to the rally or anything?
Bimbette: Nah… I thought maybe I would, but then I realized I could totally just wait ’til it comes out on YouTube or whatever. It’s like, why even bother?
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Five-year-old boy pointing at large statue of naked man: Look how small his whizzer is, Mommy!
Mother: It’s not nice to point, Jake.
Five-year-old boy: But he’s not a real person… Look how small it is!
–Time Warner Center Mall
Woman: Do you smell that? That’s the smell of crime and corruption.
Man: That’s the smell of my underwear.
–Union Square
Mother: Put your shirt back on, or I won’t take you bowling.
Son: Am I funny, Mom?
Mother: No, honey, you’re strange… like that homeless man there.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ed
Girl: I sooo want oatmeal.
Guy: I have a George Foreman grill.
Girl: That doesn’t help me get oatmeal.
–1 train
Overheard by: Ethank
Drunk guy #1: That’s not even right, man. That girl is too hot to be standing next to that fugly woman.
Drunk guy #2: Excuse me, ma’am, could you move a few steps to the left? You’re upsetting my friend.
–7 train
Overheard by: David Moss
Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.
–East Village
Overheard by: r. kelly
Woman: No more room! Stop pushing! No more room!
Man on platform: Aw, baby, you don’t mean that!
–7 train, 74th St & Roosevelt Ave stop
Overheard by: Peter Holby
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist