Is He Still Waiting for That Mountain to Come to Him?

Cashier #1: Ugh, I can’t stand Muhammad.
Cashier #2: I don’t mind him. He dumb.

–Duane Reade, 49^th & 9^th

I Like Being Able to Fast-Forward

Nerd chick: So, are you gonna see Ahmadinejad speak today, or go to the rally or anything?
Bimbette: Nah… I thought maybe I would, but then I realized I could totally just wait ’til it comes out on YouTube or whatever. It’s like, why even bother?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

And I Told You, It’s Called a “Cock,” Sweetie

Five-year-old boy pointing at large statue of naked man: Look how small his whizzer is, Mommy!
Mother: It’s not nice to point, Jake.
Five-year-old boy: But he’s not a real person… Look how small it is!

–Time Warner Center Mall

I Launder It with My Money

Woman: Do you smell that? That’s the smell of crime and corruption.
Man: That’s the smell of my underwear.

–Union Square

Um, That’s Ethan Hawke.

Mother: Put your shirt back on, or I won’t take you bowling.
Son: Am I funny, Mom?
Mother: No, honey, you’re strange… like that homeless man there.

–14^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ed

Or Does It?

Girl: I sooo want oatmeal.
Guy: I have a George Foreman grill.
Girl: That doesn’t help me get oatmeal.

–1 train

Overheard by: Ethank

Not As Upsetting As You Keeping the Word “Fugly” Alive

Drunk guy #1: That’s not even right, man. That girl is too hot to be standing next to that fugly woman.
Drunk guy #2: Excuse me, ma’am, could you move a few steps to the left? You’re upsetting my friend.

–7 train

Overheard by: David Moss

This City Has It All!

Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.

–East Village

Overheard by: r. kelly

Really Takes Me Back to My Gangbang Days at Vassar

Woman: No more room! Stop pushing! No more room!
Man on platform: Aw, baby, you don’t mean that!

–7 train, 74^th St & Roosevelt Ave stop

Overheard by: Peter Holby

Dude, at Least Read Harry Potter or Something

Guy #1: Dude, are you studying?
Guy #2, not looking up from Game Boy: Fuckin’ Pokemons… Gotta catch ’em all.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Pancho