Archive for May, 2009

Tonight, on Queer As Fock

Drunk passer­by to group of hip­sters in front of him: All these fuck­ing nerdy guys are with hot girls these days.
Fe­male hip­ster: Oh, why thank you! He’s gay, so it does­n’t re­al­ly mat­ter any­way.
Drunk passer­by: Oh, damn. He’s gay…?
Male hip­ster: Yeah, but I’m a math ma­jor, so it was fair of you to call me nerdy.

–East Vil­lage

I Think I Saw This Short at the Cannes Film Fes­ti­val

Blue col­lar guy to ran­dom guy hold­ing a mu­si­cal in­stru­ment: I wish I had a harp­si­chord. I’d put on an old fash­ioned movie and play it in the dark. You would­n’t even need a drink!
Mu­si­cal guy: A drink would­n’t hurt.
Blue col­lar guy: No, it would­n’t. (takes a bot­tle of rum out of his pock­et and takes a swig)

–N Train

Over­heard by: Pre­tend­ing to lis­ten to her mu­sic

…And Po­ten­tial­ly Fuck You?

Skater: Come on. Hang out.
Mur­ray Hill-look­ing PR-type chick: Fuck you! You’re a fag! You’d rather hang with your los­er friends in this fuck­ing rat hole? I would have fucked you, if you just came to Man­hat­tan but…
Skater: C’­mon hang. It’ll be cool.
Mur­ray Hill-look­ing PR-type chick: Oh, fuck this. I’m tak­ing this cab. Have fun suck­ing your bud­dy’s cock, ass­hole!
Skater, af­ter watch­ing her leave: Fuck­ing bitch! (paus­es, then asks per­fect stranger) Hey, can I buy a cig­a­rette from you?

–12th St & Bed­ford

You Won’t Want to Breathe in Again Once We Reach Brook­lyn

Train con­duc­tor: Next stop, 2nd Ave. Please do not push and shove, this might re­sult in a fight un­less you like to fight.
(mo­ments lat­er)
Train con­duc­tor: This is 2nd Ave. It is now okay for all of you to take a deep breath. The next stop is De­lan­cy Street.
(mo­ments lat­er)
Train con­duc­tor: This is De­lan­cy Street. For all of you that are still hold­ing your breath, it is now okay to breath out.

–F Train

Over­heard by: Lunch­Box