Archive for June, 2009

Meet the Chub­by Elle Woods

Girl to boyfriend mock­ing her for not swip­ing cred­it card prop­er­ly: Ken! Don’t you dare make fun of me!! I’ve had a re­al­ly hard day!
Ken: Why? What hap­pened?
Girl, chok­ing: I failed my mid-terms. (sud­den­ly swipes her card an­gri­ly) All I want right now is my Cos­mopoli­tan and can­dy bar. That’s all I ask of life!

–Store, 59th St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Frank S

I Was­n’t Al­ways a Se­cu­ri­ty Guard, Y’­know

Girl sell­ing at bake sale #1: This is so stu­pid. No one wants any­thing.
Se­cu­ri­ty guard: That’s cause you’re doin’ it all wrong.
Girl sell­ing at bake sale #2: Oh yeah? What should we do?
Se­cu­ri­ty guard: Next per­son that pass­es, be like “Yo! I got your brown­ie!” then when they come over, give it to them and be like “Aight, that’s two dol­lars.”

–Man­hat­tan Col­lege, The Bronx

The Deeply Stu­pid Are Im­mune to Sar­casm

Cus­tomer to em­ploy­ee: Ex­cuse me, are these zuc­chi­ni?
Em­ploy­ee: No, they’re pick­les.
Cus­tomer: Are you sure? They look like zuc­chi­ni!
Em­ploy­ee: Yes, they’re pick­les.
Cus­tomer: Oh. (pause) Do they taste like zuc­chi­ni?
Em­ploy­ee, af­ter long pause: Yes. Yeah…pickles tastes like zuc­chi­ni.

–Bal­duc­ci’s Restau­rant

Wait a Minute– Are You the Creepy Guy?

An­noyed woman: And then there’s that one guy, that creepy guy who’s al­ways ha­rass­ing me.
Con­fused man: Who?
An­noyed woman: That guy, he’s re­al­ly pale.
Con­fused man: Oh, is this the al­bi­no guy?
An­noyed: No, no, the al­bi­no guy is cool. It’s that film stu­dent.
Con­fused man: The guy who works at An­der­son­’s?
An­noyed woman: No, that’s the oth­er one. He’s all right, that guy’s all right.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Han­nah