Tourist, taking photo to woman walking in front of camera: Hey! You ruined my picture!
Aggravated city woman: And you ruined my city!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: couldn't agree with you more!
Archive for 2009
Only in the Event Of His Demise, Honey
10-year-old girl in store: Mommy, I want this too!
Mother: No, that's it, we have no more money.
10-year-old girl: That's not true, daddy said we are millionaires.
–83rd St & Madison Ave
And, Also, That I Be White.
Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat.
–1 Train
Overheard by: well good luck to you
Well, One Could.
Sassy black tourist girl: Excuse me, you seen an ATM?
Security guard: (silence)
Sassy black tourist girl: I said, any of y'all seen an ATM?
Woman using ATM: Um, these are ATMs.
Sassy black tourist girl: Oh shoot, you could get money outta that?
–Chase, Broadway & Spring
The Best Part Is, They Do This Every Damn Day
Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What is that?
Tall blonde guy: Thanks for ruining it! You're supposed to say “what's updog?” and I'd be like “nothing much, man, you?”
Blonde girl: Alright, let's start over. Pretend we just ran into each other or something.
Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What's “updog”?
Tall blonde guy: Nothing much man, you?
–F Train
Just Remember It's a Gift, Not an Accomplishment
Asian lady to young son: You're so cute!
Son: I know.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: He really was
Sorry About Giving You a Social-Networking Disease
Hot brunette chick: Are you on this new Twitter thing? I keep getting e-mails that people are “following” me.
Hot blonde chick: Oh, uh, well… I wanted to see what it was about a couple months ago, but I didn't want to give my info, so I sort of made you an account instead.
–SoHo
Overheard by: tired in the morning
On the Other Hand, “Bjork” Sounds Like a Gay Sex Act
Young gay man: The only woman I would have sex with is Bjork.
Disgruntled friend: What? That's like a lesbian saying she'd go hetero for Andy Dick!
–A Train
Overheard by: trainspotter
I Just Skim Over the Gay Parts
Thug: What are you reading?
Thug friend, holding up book: Plato.
–E 180th St, Bronx
Wednesday One-Liners Feel a Lot Better Now
Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MC
Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth.
–Ding Dong Lounge
Overheard by: Rosalind
Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch!
–Yellow Line Subway Station
Overheard by: Craigalanche
Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious
–49th & 5th
Overheard by: olga
Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life!
–1 Train
Overheard by: nella