Thug #1 to old man asking for directions: Ask my man here, he the boy from Queens.
Thug #2: That ain't my fault, nigga! That's just where my momma happened to have me!
–A Train
Overheard by: Jesse
Archive for 2009
And Flip-Flops in New York– Explain.
Woman standing in the rain, yelling at boyfriend: No! I'm not walking there! This water is dirty!
Another woman, passing by: Of course it's dirty, it's on the street. Are you fucking kidding?
–86th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: she's not.
Microsoft: Shhhhh!
Attendee at Microsoft event: So what's a Zune?
Zune rep: It's a music and media player that…
Attendee: So, it's an iPod?
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: Peter Pentacostle
So It Wasn't Suicide?
Drunk girl, seeing tree fallen on car after rainstorm: Officer, it was the wind!
Police officer: Good detective work.
Passerby: Case solved.
–3rd St & Ave A
We Just Print 'Em, People.
Black woman, looking at costumes: For Halloween I'm gonna be a slave.
Black man: For real?
Black woman: Will you be my master?
–3rd Ave & 25th St
Overheard by: Ivonna
That's Better
Little boy: Open the door for me.
Mom: “Please.”
Little boy: Open the door for me, please. You don't say please to me, mommy!
Mom: Hurry the hell up, please.
–Brooklyn
Hamas: Finally, Someone Gets It
12-year-old boy #1: Why do they call them African Americans?
12-year-old boy #2: Because they're from Africa, but they live in America.
12-year-old boy #1: But they don't call me a Macedonian American! They don't call you a… What are you again?
12-year-old boy #2: I'm Israeli.
12-year-old boy #1: Yeah, well, that doesn't count. “Israeli” is not a country.
–M79 Bus
Seal: “Um, I'm Standing Right Here.”
Suit #1: So you liked him?
Suit #2: Yeah, he was a nice guy.
Suit #1: He has melanoma all over his face, though.
Suit #2: Yeah, I noticed that.
–1 Train
Fine by Us.
Tourist woman #1: These people are all moving so fast…
Tourist woman #2: That's because they're in a rush. Don't ask them for directions.
–49th & 7th
Overheard by: Jon A.
I'd Prefer a Four-Letter Response
Teenage girl, loudly: Emily! There you are! You are so not where you said you were!
Woman standing directly next to her: Shhhhh!
Teenage girl, deadpan: Oh, go back to the suburbs.
(long pause)
Woman: Get a life?
–Columbus Circle