Girlfriend: Learn anything new today?
Boyfriend: How to say “sexual offender” in Japanese!
–Central Park
Overheard by: lynn
Archive for 2009
Tracy Chapman's Been Saying That Since 1988
Bag lady to white guy whistling “When the Saints Go Marching In”: Damn, nigger, that's my jam!
Guy: I'm… Ummm… sorry?
Bag lady: Yeah? Fuck you too!
(guy and girl walk away)
Bag lady: Shit, I gotta get outta this town and get my own place!
–L Train
Overheard by: The Music Man
I Checked Her Birth Certificate
Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don't know about that girl. She just don't fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.
–Brooklyn
Who Knew Sex With Strangers Could Be Unsatisfying?
Walk of shame girl #1: He said I was the best 20-minute decision he ever made.
Walk of shame girl #2: Oh my god, really??
Walk of shame girl #1: Yeah, more like 5 minutes.
–89th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Just Out For Coffee
New Yorkers Aren't Impressed When You Put on the Dog
Woman to waiter: Oh my god! I left my mink stole here. Oh please don't let it be gone. (goes to table, finds stole) Oh, thank god I found my mink stole and no one took it!
Woman at next table: Oh, please, bitch, ain't nobody want your German Shepherd!
–The Diner Restaurant, Midtown
You May Now Hakuna Matata
Hipster #1: So you're like Simba in The Lion King. Except you're lazy… and drunk.
Hipster #2: Exactly!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Lucia C
It's Like He Thinks We Don't Need Silk Garbage Bags
Upper West Side wife #1: He thinks I can operate this household on $25,000 a month–that bastard better get a better job.
Upper West Side wife #2: Yeah, really, he needs to get his shit together.
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Mike
But We're Going to a Conference Next Week
Girl #1 to girl #3: In case you were wondering, we're kinda Lady Gaga experts. It's a very complicated subject.
Girl #2: And we don't quite understand it.
–Viva Herbal Pizzeria
You Always Take His Side, Stacy!
Woman #1: I just don't get why he isn't being spontaneous anymore.
Woman #2: I probably wouldn't want to be “spontaneous” with my girlfriend who just slept with my dad either.
–92nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Chick who didn't realize she lived in Melrose Place
…Like Every Other Child Star.
Hipster #1: So what's he been up to lately?
Hipster #2: I think he's living with his brother-in-law… in a warehouse.
Hipster #1: Oh. Cool.
–3rd Ave & 11th St