Archive for 2009

I Just Won­dered How You Got Blue Ink on Your Tongue

Hip­ster dude: So what was the spe­cial go­ing away gift he gave you?
Hot Latin chick: He let me sign his nuts this time! He’s so fuck­ing hot.
Hip­ster dude: Um…this time?
Hot Latin chick: Yeah, for my birth­day I signed his pe­nis.
Hip­ster dude: Stu­pid question…did you do any­thing else with it?
Hot Latin chick: Dude? I’m not a slut! …jeez, man.

–Bar, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: likethisstu­pid

My Ger­man Friends Tell Me What They Are

Em­ploy­ee in fit­ting room: You all just cut those women in line.
Woman in line: No, they said that they weren’t in line. Right? Is­n’t that what they told all of you too?
Em­ploy­ee: But they were here be­fore all of you in line now, you can’t cut them.
Woman: They said that it was okay. I would­n’t just jump ahead of peo­ple. I’m Ital­ian, but I do have lim­its.

–Loehman­n’s, Up­per West Side

Warm Women Are Scarce in New York, Any­way

Creepy pa­tron: How’s the cheese­cake?
Bored wait­ress: It’s as close to heav­en as you can get!
Creepy pa­tron: Well, peo­ple have dif­fer­ent in­ter­pre­ta­tions of heav­en.
Bored wait­ress: (says noth­ing)
Creepy pa­tron: Mine’s a warm woman.
Bored wait­ress: Well, we’re not serv­ing those to­day. Just cheese­cake.

–Vil­lage Bistro

In San Fran­cis­co, All the Dirty Lumps Are Peo­ple

New York­er: That’s melt­ed snow.
Fe­male Asian vis­i­tor: What? But it’s so dirty. It does­n’t look like snow at all.
New York­er: It’s mixed with the dirt.
Fe­male Asian vis­i­tor: Oh, I thought it was a dead dog!
New York­er: What? Are you crazy?
Fe­male Asian vis­i­tor: Wait. I need to take a pic­ture of this.

–Mid­town