Archive for 2009

Nobody Can

Girl #1: Yeah, and I read that Hitler didn’t really make the trains run on time. You know how they say he made them run on time? He didn’t. They were always late. I read a study.
Girl #2: Of course! Because Nazis are evil! Evil people can’t make trains run on time!

–Ladies’ Room, Office Holiday Party

Ad: This Explanation Is Brought to You by the MTA As a Public Service

20-something woman: You know a lot of people are busy. Too busy to talk to you.
20-something man: What do you mean?
20-something woman: If you tried to talk to me when I got off the train, I would keep walking.
20-something man: Why?
20-something woman: Some people work hard and are too busy to talk to you. I am one of them.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Paula

Is That Why You and Mommy Have Handcuffs?

Father to child standing in shopping cart: Suzie, sit down in the cart, standing isn’t safe and it breaks the rules.
Suzie: No!
Father, heading towards checkout and spotting police officer fiddling with handcuffs: You see that policeman? If you don’t sit down he’s going to take you to jail. Oh look, he’s taking out his handcuffs and he’s going to arrest you now. (Suzie sits immediately)

–Kmart, Astor Place

Where They Don’t Even Have Lettuce

(large group of rowdy ghetto teens gets on train, one sits and begins eating a hamburger)
Girl: Yo, why do white people be thinkin’ niggas like tomato on they sandwich?
Guy friend: I dunno.
(girl begins throwing lettuce and tomato on the ground)
Old man across the train: You’re disgusting!
Girl: Hey, fuck you!
Guy friend: Yo, he just called you disgusting!
Girl: Well, he can kiss my ass!
Guy friend: Them’s fightin’ words on my block.
Old man, exiting train: Oh, go back to ghetto, you piece of shit!
Girl: That’s exactly where we goin’, muthafucker!

–6 Train

Overheard by: ahhh, New York