Archive for 2009

I Know a Great Place Around Here That Does Deliveries

Teenage girl #1: Oh my god, could you imagine having a baby, like, you know…inside of you?
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, no! Eeeww!
Teenage girl #1: I know, right? But I would do it.
Teenage girl #2: You would? You wouldn’t mind them cutting into you?
Teenage girl #1: They do that?
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, you get cut open. It’s called a Sicilian.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Brandon

Correction: It Was in the 80’s

Coked-out hipster girlfriend, loudly: And that’s why I could never wake up for Pilates.
Hipster boyfriend: Julia. Turn the voice down. People are looking.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I can’t help the way my voice projects. I used to be an actress.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you didn’t.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I’m a model.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you’re not.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: I’m kind of a drug dealer.
Hipster boyfriend: Yeah. Which is so gay.

–Williamsburg Bridge

Nobody’s More Bitter Than Ex-Gymnasts

Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I’m 22.
Young girl: And you’re pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I’m not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you’re my age, hormonal and stuff, you’ll get fat. People will think you’re pregnant when you’re not, and you’ll cry. So you’ll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won’t work and you’ll be sad. That’s all life’s about. Don’t grow up.

–A Train

Overheard by: Violette

Michelle Was Also Amazed With the Ewok/Koala Exhibit

Fat preppy girl: Oh my god! Is that a rhinoceros? I didn’t know they still existed!
Friend: Yeah, that’s one right there.
Fat preppy girl: But I thought dinosaurs were extinct?

–Bronx Zoo

Headline by: JohnAustin

· “Apparently, You’ve Never Watched “The View”” — PeterG
· “No, Just My Faith in Our Education System” — Jeff
· “She Thinks That About Salads Too” — Tom
· “That Would Explain Why the Hippo Looked So Real!” — Pat
· “This Is a Creationist Zoo” — Coyoty
· “Why Didn’t You TELL Me We’re in a Museum?” — Emily Leonard
· “You’re Confusing It With the Do-Ya-Think-He-Saurus” — Skug Skellum

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

In the Sense That She Stole My Wallet and Ran Off

Preteen boy #1: My new girlfriend told me to meet her there after school.
Preteen boy #2: Why don’t you just call her and tell her you’ll be late?
Preteen boy #1: I don’t have her number.
Preteen boy #2: How is she your girlfriend if you don’t even have her phone number?
Preteen boy #1: Cause I kissed her on the lips and she liked it!

–L Train