Man, approaching sink: Ugh, there’s never any paper towels.
Friend, walking by sinks: I mean, I know my dick’s not dirty.
–Penn Station Bathroom
Overheard by: Luke Wallis
Archive for 2009
Mommy Drinks to Forget You.
Child, playing with friends: Shut up, goddam it! I said shut up!
Mother: Keep your voice down, mommy has a headache.
–6BC Community Garden
Overheard by: Sara
If Only We Had an Electronic Way to Figure This Stuff Out
Bookish guy: What is a “well drink,” exactly?
Friend: I’m not sure. I’ve never gotten a straight answer on that.
Bookish guy: I think the bartenders dump all of the liquor they have left over into a well, and they make the drink with that.
Friend: Yeah, that sounds right.
–L Train
Overheard by: WetBandits
Fine. Now Explain the “I Fuck Men” T‑Shirt.
Guy: Why do men keep flirting with me?
Girl #1: Why do you think?
Guy: Is it because of my pants?
Girl #2: Because they’re tight?
Guy: These are loose!
–Washington Square Park
Ooo, I Smell the Premise for a New Game Show!
Flight attendant: Sir, are you looking for the bathroom?
Passenger: Yes, which door is it?
Flight attendant: It’s the door right there.
(passenger walks towards the exit door of the plane)
Flight attendant: No, sir, not that door. If you open that door, you will kill yourself.
–Flight over JFK
Only 479 to Go
High school girl #1, eating Ben & Jerry’s: I am PMSing so bad right now!
High school girl #2, eating Ben & Jerry’s: I’m PMSing so bad right now! Actually, I’m not PMSing. I’m on the first period of my life!
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: miss blanky-poo
Also a Major Drawback Of Christianity
Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What’s so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I’m dying even faster.
–Kohl’s Store
Overheard by: ho ho ho
Billy, We’re Hairdressers
Dude #1: I don’t even care, man.
Dude #2: I do! I ain’t workin’ for no fag!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Melanie
…In Unrelated News.
Smelly white teenager #1: Yo, man! I haven’t been to school in over a week and a half. I’ve been just chillin’ with my girlfriend.
Smelly white teenager #2: Oh, wow! Really?
Smelly white teenager #1: Yeah, I dunno what I’m gonna tell my parents – you know, when I first heard of the Passion of the Christ I thought it was a porno.
–Q58 Bus
Overheard by: Queens Girl
