Mom, handing toddler a treat: Now what do you say?
Son: Poopy!
–1 Train
Archive for 2009
Get That Triumph-of-the-Human-Spirit Taste Out Of My Mouth
20-something guy: I saw Wall-E this weekend. (pause) Then I saw Wanted to balance it out.
–Deutsche Bank Elevator
Overheard by: Katerina S,
You Know the Law, Ashley
13-year-old girl #1: Oh my god, you totally weren't paying attention to my shoes!
13-year-old girl #2: It's because my cousin is not in town!
–Bus, Coney Island
Overheard by: Brainy
I Hear Yellow Jumpsuits Are Making a Comeback!
Hipster chick #1: I always loved that one reporter girl. What was her name?
Hipster chick #2: April, April O'Neil.
Hipster chick #1: Oh my god! Thank you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Master Splinter
Letterman: “Hey, I'm Having a Better Season Than You.”
David Letterman recruiter: Late show with David Letterman! Free tickets to David Letterman!
New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain: Letterman sucks!
–Time Square
I Have No Idea What You're Trying to Say
Guy: Yo, so how'd she get that nickname?
Girl: Who, hype-girl?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: She mad hype!
–Broadway & 137th
Why It's Important Not to Teach Kids to Read
Little black girl staring at poster: What's “sy-nics”?
Old white guy: That's “cynics”. It means people who question everything.
Little black girl: Oh. (to her friend) You're a cynic!
Little black boy: Hey! I am not a cynic! Mom! She called me a cynic!
–V Train
But I Can Only Grant You Wishes Number One and Two
Young woman, entering restroom, to Starbucks employee standing outside: Oh, I thought you were waiting to use it.
Starbucks employee: No. I'm the bathroom genie. I make the magic happen.
–Starbucks
Miss Piggy: Don't Make Moi Come Over There
Production assistant: Excuse me sir, no flash photography please. For the safety of our actors.
Bystander: Actors? They're Muppets!
–Muppets Movie Set, Park Slope
The Principal Gives You Crabs.
Middle school geography teacher: What do we rely on the ocean for?
Student, excitedly waving hand in the air: Crabs! The ocean gives me crabs!
Teacher, choking back a laugh: Maybe you should just say the ocean gives you fish…
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: I've never gotten crabs from an ocean