Archive for 2009

Who Calls Their Door­men “1” and “2”?

Four-year-old: Door­man 1 is fat.
Mom: No he’s not. Who said that?
Four-year-old: Door­man 2.
Mom: Well, door­man 2 is wrong. Door­man 1 is just a big­ger guy. He’s just big­ger than door­man 2. He’s not fat.
Four-year-old: Yes he is.
Mom: No he’s not. Who are you go­ing to be­lieve, me or door­man 2?
Four-year-old: Door­man 2.

–River­side Dri­ve

Every Day I Test My­self, and Every Day I Fail.

Sub­way op­er­a­tor: This down­town 1 train will not be stop­ping at 50th Street. I re­peat, will not be stop­ping at 50th Street.
(a minute pass­es)
Sub­way op­er­a­tor: We will not be stop­ping at 50th Street. There is a stalled train there. We will be go­ing straight to 42nd with­out stop­ping at 50th.
(an­oth­er minute goes by)
Sub­way op­er­a­tor: This is a down­town 1 train, next stop will be 50th. Shit! 42nd.

–1 Train

Strange­ly, She Then Men­tioned a “Russ­ian Judge” and a “Ger­man Judge”

Male Ford­ham stu­dent: I think I wit­nessed a girl get­ting bad news about ei­ther be­ing preg­nant or get­ting STDs!
Fe­male Ford­ham stu­dent: How do you know?!
Male Ford­ham stu­dent: Be­cause she was on the phone and I heard her say “wait, that’s not pos­si­ble, how could the re­sults come back as that?”

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter