Mother: What’s your favorite vegetable?
Six-year-old daughter: I love grilled asparagus with olive oil.
–Central Park West & 80th St
Overheard by: Not a yuppie
Archive for 2009
And We Get at Least Three People a Day Claiming to Be Christ
Passenger, getting on bus and not swiping Metrocard: I don’t gotta swipe. It’s all set.
Driver: Oh, yes you do. Christ himself come on, he gotta swipe.
–Q32 Bus, Queens
Overheard by: Your friendly neighborhood Newsbunny
Why Do You Think I Went to Law School?
Law student #1: Are you applying for the TA position?
Law student #2: No.
Law student #1: Why not?
Law student #2: I’m not interested in helping people.
–Fordham Law School
Whereas San Francisco Girls Want to Do Both
Young European man: New York girls do not like to have doors held open for them.
Young European woman: New York girls either want to slap you or go to bed with you. Nothing in between.
–A Train
Not Clay Aiken.
Black thug to friend: Yo, everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s day.
Drunk white girl: Is everyone black on Martin Luther King day?
–5th Ave & 49th St
If We Have to Bring in Earl Grey Himself
Husband: Then I can teabag you.
Wife: Wait. They go in my mouth. Wouldn’t I be teabagging you?
Husband: My teabags, my act of teabagging.
Wife: That doesn’t sound right.
Husband: Whatever. Teabagging will occur.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Throwing away my cup of tea
Also, I Kinda Need to Rob You Now
Deli counter woman calling name on sandwich ticket: Wave bandanna? (no response) Wave bandanna?
Young white guy: Oh yeah, that’s me. I put down my rap name.
–Balducci’s, 8th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Margo
Why’d That Kid Just Call You “Grandpa”?
Token booth man to teen: So you have no book bag, no ID, and no money? What grade are you in?
Teen: Eighth grade.
Token booth man: So why don’t you have your books?
Teen: I spent the night at my girlfriend’s.
Token booth man: So you have no book bag, no ID, no money, you’re in eihgth grade,and you spent the night at your girlfriend’s?
–Subway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mom in transit
I.e. “I Want to Know You Biblically”?
Professor, discussing Song of Songs: We can’t get around the fact that he’s basically saying, “you’re my horse.“
Student: And I’m gonna ride you.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Colleen
My Drunkenness Has Been Sub Par, Though.
Girl #1: Are you going away for spring break?
Girl #2: No. I wish I could.
Guy: I’m not. I’m auditioning for that reality show.
Girl #1: Oh, good luck.
Guy: But I’d better get it…I’ve been sleeping with all of them.
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: KMW
