Girl #1: Don’t ask me, I’m computer e‑literate.
Girl #2: E‑literate?
Girl #1: Isn’t that a word?
Girl #2: It’s “illiterate.“
Girl #1: Well, I can still read palms.
–City College of New York
Archive for 2009
Since I Gave Him My Number and Squeezed His Package
Elderly female employee, out on smoke break: So I met this gentleman at the coffee shop the other day.
More elderly woman: How do you know he was a gentleman?
Elderly female employee: I don’t, but I sure hope he’s not.
–CVS Pharmacy
Do I Have to Pass a Test?
Three-year-old: Dad, it’s raining!
Dad: You’re three years old. You don’t even know what rain is.
–1st Ave & 4th St
Also Gives Handjobs With His Pinky Extended
Gay man to boyfriend crossing street: Hurry up!
Boyfriend: I am running elegantly!
Passerby to friend: Look at that guy! He takes such long strides! He runs like a gazelle!
–24th & 5th
Overheard by: amused
I Spent a Semester Abroad There
Suit: Have you ever been to Ali Baba’s?
Brunette: Ew, why would I go there?
Suit: I don’t know, I heard the food is good…
Brunette: Oh! Ali Baba the restaurant? I thought you meant Ali Baba the country.
–34th St
You’d Probably Have to Put Out, for Something Like That
Professor: You should go to Trump Towers and pretend to be a prospective buyer, and tour the rooms.
Student: Will they pay for my lunch?
Professor: No.
Student: How bout a scone?
Professor: We’re in a recession.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Alexandra Bailey
Let’s Just Say I Was Impressed with All Of His Noodles That Evening
Girl #1: He made the most amazing spaghetti bolognese.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, I was so impressed, I slept with him.
–Campbell Apartment
Ladies and Gentlemen: Our Future.
High school thug girl #1: Yo, I want to get something pierced.
High school thug girl #2: That’d be so cool, yo. But what’d you get?
High school thug girl #1: When I have a daughter I’m gonna name her “bitch”.
High school thug girl #2 (after quiet contemplation): Bitch…yeah…that’d be cool.
High school thug girl #1: I guess I’d get my nose pierced.
–Q Train
For Me, Anyway
Hipster #1: And so then she said, “I’m not even turned on, I just think you’re retarded…“
Hipster #2: Oh, dude. Did you guys still have sex?
Hipster #1: Yeah, it was okay.
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Rachel
‘Til After I Met Your Math Teacher
20-something daughter: Mom, how did you know that dad was the one?
Mom: He was the only one I didn’t cheat on.
–LIRR, Penn Station
