Archive for 2009

In Queens, If I Get My Way

Four-year-old boy: Dad, if I die, when will I come back?
Fa­ther: As far as I know, you won’t.
Four-year-old boy, un­trou­bled, thought­ful: But…what if every­one dies?
Fa­ther: Well, oth­er peo­ple will take their place. Be­cause every­one does­n’t die at once. Know what I mean?
Four-year-old boy: Where will we put mom if she dies?
Moth­er, just ar­riv­ing: Good grief!
Fa­ther: In the ground. In a box in the ground.

–Barnes & No­ble

My Pub­li­cist Will Is­sue a State­ment Lat­er in the Ride

Bad la­dy, start­ing her speech: Ladies and gen­tle­men…
Con­duc­tor over speak­er: Ladies and gen­tle­men, there is no beg­ging al­lowed on New York City sub­ways. I re­peat, there is no beg­ging al­lowed on New York City sub­ways.
Bag la­dy, look­ing ner­vous: I’m sor­ry, ladies and gen­tle­men, the con­duc­tor of the train and I do not get along.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Adam