Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He’s not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
Archive for 2009
Puta.
Hispanic mother: Do you want to take the classes in English or Spanish, sweetie?
Little girl: English!
Mother, disappointed: Oh. Well, I want you to take them in Spanish.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Fresca P.
What Happens When You Watch Too Much Jeopardy
Girl #1: Have you ever been to Flushing?
Girl #2: What’s the point of this question?
Girl #1: It’s not even a question, I’m just asking you!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: vieve
And Why Are You All Whispering?
Conductor: Hoboken train. Hoboken, Hoboken, Hoboken.
Man with earbuds, yelling to passengers: Is this the Hoboken train?
–PATH Station
I Can’t Do It ’til Good Friday, Though
Large bald man: The first time I was flogged by my master, it was revelatory.
Man in sunglasses: Great. Well, I’d like to get you up on a cross, get you really straining.
–19th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sam
No More Johnny Depp Movies for You, Missy.
Mom to overactive five-year-old: No, they can’t put chocolate sprinkles on yo’ taco!
Overactive five-year-old, singing: Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing! Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing!
–Long Island City
Overheard by: astoria mets fan
Mind If I Trace It with This Marker?
Girl #1, in dressing room: How are these pants?
Girl #2: They’re too tight.
Girl #1: They’s supposed to be tight.
Girl #2: But not so tight to where I can see the outline of your twat!
–Gap, Colmbus Circle
Overheard by: chokedwithlaughter
Parents Do Self-Pity Better Than Kids– More Material
Kindergarten-age boy, getting off of elevator: Last night I had a dream, and it was so scary, when I woke up I couldn’t talk.
Harried dad, getting into elevator, muttering: Welcome to my fucking life, kid.
–Columbia School
Overheard by: Tell me about it
Over Seizure Salads
Drunk middle aged lawyer: Okay, okay, here’s one…what’s the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
Sober man: I’m afraid to ask.
Drunk middle aged lawyer: One shucks between fits! Haw haw haw haw. (stumbles off).
Sober man to puzzled-looking woman: I’ll explain it to you later.
–Alumni Cocktail Party, Brooklyn Law School
Overheard by: Big Larry
Then Pull Up Your Pants, Sir.
Crazy old man: Was I fucking talking to you?
Young hoodie: Yo man, you need to calm down.
Crazy old man: Don’t you fucking talk to me!
Young hoodie: Step off son, step off.
Old guy, a few seats over: Hey! (points at both men, who stop and stare) Chilly willy everybody, chilly willy.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mr. Nightingale
