Math professor to sleeping student: Hey, are you okay?
Student: Nuh?
Math professor to class: Well, I’ve rarely killed someone during a lecture, but I must be breaking new ground today.
–Hunter College
Archive for 2009
Instead, I’m Gonna Join the Army
Chick #1: You could always go to a beauty school. It’s cheaper.
Chick #2: No way, I swore off schools. My friend went to one, and got herpes of the eye. Someone got a bikini wax, and then they used the same dipper thing on her eye.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Helena
Fox Cancelled Lush Life After Four Episodes
Mom: Where do you want to eat honey?
Six-year-old daughter: Not a bar!
–West Village
Overheard by: Aidan
Me, Too!
Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.
–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks
I Always Miss the Good Gang Initiations
Urban yout’ #1: There was cake, yo!
Urban yout’ #2 (in sobbing yowl): Caaaake?
Urban yout’ #1: Nigger, there was cake! There were two cakes up in that shit!
Urban yout’ #2: Yo, that is fucked up! (in small, sad voice) Good cake? What kind?
urban yout’ #1: Nigger, these were good cakes. You should have gone, yo.
Urban yout’ #2: Fuck. Cake.
–33rd St & 6th Ave
Still Think Children Are Precious?
Four-year-old girl: You know, sometimes I fart from my pagina.
Seven-year-old boy: That’s impossible, you cannot fart from your pagina.
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I really fart from my pagina, and I do it all the time.
Seven-year-old boy: How do you know it’s from your pagina and not your butt?
Four-year-old girl: I know what comes from my butt and what comes from my pagina. My pagina feels like a button.
Seven-year-old boy: I don’t care. You do not fart from your pagina.
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I do, and Cinderella does, too.
Seven-year-old boy: Just stop talking to me.
–Rosa Mexicana, 61st & Columbus
Overheard by: Ariella
Quick–To Google, Everyone!
Middle school-aged girl: I think the video of us dancing is on the internet!
Friend: Are you sure that’s a good idea?
Middle school-aged girl: Whatever, no one will see it!
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mikaela
Sounds Like a Pyramid Scheme
Yuppie mom #1: It’s very blocks focused.
Yuppie mom #2: Blocks?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, it’s a very progressive school. They do very perverse things with the blocks.
Yuppie mom #2: Um, I don’t think I understand.
Yuppie mom #1: You know, they use the blocks in literature, in math…if they want to play kitchen, they have to build the kitchen first. It’s very progressive.
–12th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Jenny
White Guys Are So Cute
Cute suit #1: I’m getting ready for tonight. This is my new move. (mimes animalistic dance)
Cute suit #2: I like it, I like it. It’s very Teen Wolf.
–7th Ave E Station
Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna
Closed the Deal, Though
Model-looking chick: Hey, sorry I’m late. I had to work extra hours at work today.
Not-so-model-looking chick: No problem, that sounds like it sucked, what did you have to stay after for?
Model-looking chick: Oh, I fucked my client.
–13th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: smoking on your stoop has its uses
