Archive for 2009

I May Have to Mar­ry That Man

Young woman to friend: And I was get­ting so fuck­ing mad at my boss, so I reached in­to my bag and pulled out the emer­gency ex­tra strength maxi-pad I al­ways car­ry, and walked in­to his of­fice and threw it at his face. And he looks at me calm­ly, picks it up, opens it up and sticks it to his desk, and then takes his bot­tle of wa­ter and starts pour­ing it on­to the pad. So I scream, “what the fuck are you do­ing?” and he looks at me and says, “I want to see if the com­mer­cials are true.”

–Down­town 1 Train

A Weave Cov­ers a Mul­ti­tude Of Sins, Just Not That One

Girl #1: All I know is, you need to take care of your pussy first, then wor­ry about your damn hair.
Girl #2: I al­ready told you I’m goin’ to the damn doc­tor to get that shit looked at, now lemme go get my ex­ten­sions in peace.
Girl #1: You can get all the ex­ten­sions, weaves and what­not you want, but if your pussy stays rot­ten, ain’t no­body gonna get any­where near that shit.
Girl #2: Bitch, will you shut up about my damn pussy. Every­body got­ta hear about my pussy? Shit, now we got half the damn city hear­ing about my pussy!
Girl #1: They prob­a­bly smell it too.
Girl #2: Fuck you, bitch!
Girl #1: Say fuck you all you want, a weave and fix­ing your pussy.

–40th & 8th

Over­heard by: Sand­manEsq

When You Watch Enough SVU, You Be­come Im­per­vi­ous to Weirdos

Crazy dude with shades to woman chat­ting with friend: You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna blow you, suck you, fuck the two of you bitch­es hard, you know why? Cause I’m a fag­got!
Women: (blank stare)
Crazy dude with shades: Then I can kill you, too. (ma­ni­a­cal laugh­ter)
Women: (con­tin­ue their jovial con­ver­sa­tion)

–F Train

Over­heard by: Craig

The Kind Of Ad­vice Dr. Phil Wants to Give

Stressed fash­ion­ista to BFF: Do you know where I can get a de­cent el­lip­ti­cal ma­chine for $600 for my apart­ment?
BFF: No. Have you tried Craigslist?
Stressed fash­ion­ista: Al­ready tried Craigslist…maybe I just need a punch­ing bag.
BFF: I know those are on Craigslist. Look un­der “per­son­als” for “sub m look­ing for dom­i­nant f.”

–57th St & 6th Ave