Archive for 2009

No More Late-Night Cin­e­max for You, Young Man.

Young woman: I heard this fun­ny joke. A man comes home and his wife says “Your boss called and said that you were fired.” The man an­swers “Fuck him!”, and the woman says “I did, and now you have your job back.“
Wom­an’s hus­band: I don’t get it.
Eight-year-old son: C’­mon dad, she made out with the boss!

–F Train

Which Ex­pains An­gli­na Jolie

Man #1, in chaise lounge: Men and women have to­tal­ly dif­fer­ent cri­te­ria for at­trac­tive­ness.
Man #2, al­so in chaise lounge: How so?
Man #1: A guy can look like a fuck­ing bull­frog in a Bea­t­le wig, but if he’s charm­ing and es­pe­cial­ly if he has mon­ey, women will be all over him.
Man #2: Yeah, es­pe­cial­ly if he has mon­ey.
Man #1: But let’s say a re­al­ly hot chick walked past us right now in a thong, and an­oth­er woman says to us, “watch out for her, she’s been in and out of men­tal in­sti­tu­tions.“
Man #2: We’d still want to fuck her.
Man #1: Ex­act­ly.
Man #2: Point well tak­en.

–Dou­glas­ton, Queens

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Pro­fes­sor: “Did You Bring Enough for the Whole Class?”

Pro­fes­sor to cou­ple mak­ing out dur­ing lec­ture: Ex­cuse me, what do you think you’re do­ing?
Guy: Oh sor­ry, one of our friends bet us 50 bucks we would­n’t make out dur­ing a lec­ture.
Guy in front of him to his girl­friend: We have got to get in on that!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty