Girl: Excuse me, do you know if there’s a Bed Bath & Beyond around here?
Confused doorman: Bloody bed and be what?
–47th & 2nd, Dag Hammerskjold Towers
Overheard by: Doug Stone
Archive for 2009
Open Up Those Thighs and Let Him In!
Tired commuter: I’m just gonna sit here…I’m too tired to stand.
(she squeezes in small space between two girls.)
Angry girl: You know, you shouldn’t touch people’s thighs!
Tired commuter: Ooooh, you need Jesus!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: …because that logically follows?
So Pretty Much the Same As the Semester
Girl #1: So how’s your break going?
Girl #2: Oh, you know, I’ve been stumbling upon a lot.
–Mulberry St
Our Offspring Would Still Be More Attractive Than British Children
Woman #1, reading about a moose: He uses his antlers to fight battles and attract mates.
Woman #2: He’s got my attention.
–American Museum of Natural History
Ann Coulter: The Tour Guide Years
Local: Over there is yon castle. Scientists believe that the castle is haunted by the ghosts of unwed mothers.
Tourist: Sounds scary.
Local: You are wise to fear it.
–The Great Lawn, Central Park
It May or May Not Be the Key to Resolving the Energy Crisis
Ditzy blond fashion plate: So, I’ve called her like five times, and I feel kind of stupid, ‘cuz it’s just lip gloss, but it was like a $38 lip gloss, and I really want it back.
Ditzy brunette fashion plate: Everyone on the train is totally laughing at us.
Ditzy blond: Yeah, I mean it is just lip gloss. Really good lip gloss, though.
Ditzy brunette: Whatever, lip gloss is important!
–Commuter Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: afalpi
But He Wrote It under the Pseudonym “Anne Frank”
Redhead: Do you keep a standard diary?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: You should. Winston Churchill did, and Winston Churchill won World War II.
Brunette: I think Hitler had a diary, too.
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Lulu
People Here Are Way Too Busy Being Hip
Drunk guy #1, to buddies: Hey, fuckheads! It’s this way!
Drunk guy #2: Man, we totally almost just died.
Drunk guy #1: Dude, no one is gonna to kill you here. We’re in the East Village.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: JD
We’re Fairly Certain Paula Abdul Manages
Guy #1: I was sleeping and someone came in and stabbed me in the head three times! Next thing I know I’m in a coma for two months!
Guy #2: Whoa…was you high?
Guy #1: High?! Man, I was sleeping! How can I be high when I asleep?
Guy #2: Oh…
–F Train
Overheard by: cs
I Thought This Was a Bus
Conductor #1: We are sorry for the delay, there is a stalled e train at 7th Avenue. We will be going uptown on the…uhm…which line are we going on?
Conductor #2 (exasperated): I have no fucking clue.
(train laughs)
–E Train
Overheard by: So how am i getting home?
