Archive for 2009

My Den­tist Told Me When He Filled My Teeth With Jel­ly

Hobo to cou­ple: Right, right, so you take a donut, put it where it don’t be­long. Like in a tree. Now you got a tv. Take a cream cook­ie, wipe it on your mus­tache. Now you got a tv. I would put a choco­late cook­ie in the mid­dle of a donut.
Woman: Oh my, where did you learn all this?

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Al­though I Guess Cel­e­brat­ing 4/20 Is Close Enough

Blonde: I love Cin­co de Mayo!
Friend: Any ex­cuse to drink is fine with me!
Blonde: Did you know that it’s Mex­i­co’s In­de­pen­dence Day?
Friend: Does­n’t every­one?
Blonde: I did­n’t. I just think it’s so fun­ny, be­cause we don’t even cel­e­brate Amer­i­ca’s In­de­pen­dence Day.
Friend: What?

–Town Tav­ern

Over­heard by: TJ

Does Hall­mark Make a Card for That?

Mid­dle-aged woman #1: Do you still see Paul and Adi­ra?
Mid­dle-aged woman #2: Well, I could call them any time.
Mid­dle-aged woman #1: But then you’d have to have a re­la­tion­ship with them.
Mid­dle-aged woman #2: It’s not that I don’t want to have a re­la­tion­ship with them…
(pause)
Mid­dle-aged woman #1: But you don’t want to have a re­la­tion­ship with them.
Mid­dle-aged woman #2: Ex­act­ly.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle