Archive for 2009

…But On­ly to See His Av­o­ca­dos.

Par­ty girl #1 look­ing at cam­era: Whoa… When did this hap­pen?
Par­ty girl #2: Oh, this was awe­some. Gua­camole make-out ses­sions. He was all like “I just wan­na kiss you with all kinds of slop­py dips be­tween our lips.“
Par­ty girl #1: So you did? And you got a pic­ture?
Par­ty girl #2: Hell yeah!
Par­ty girl #1: You are so go­ing home with him tonight, aren’t you?
Par­ty girl #2: Hell yeah!

–Stu­dio B, Banker St, Brook­lyn

As Long As It Is­n’t from AIDS, Sweet­ie

Moth­er: Do you need to buy some con­doms?
Daugh­ter: What? No, I am not talk­ing about con­doms with my mom. This will not hap­pen. (moth­er drifts over to the con­dom shelf)
Daugh­ter: No, no, no, no! What are you do­ing! Stop it! Stop it now! Oh god, you’re ac­tu­al­ly con­sid­er­ing the brands! Why are you… this is mur­der! You’re killing me. You are ac­tu­al­ly killing me! I am go­ing to die, and it will be all your fault!

–Wal­greens

Over­heard by: Moms, man.

Dako­ta Learns How to Get Some Breath­ing Room

Lit­tle girl: Mom?
He­li­copter moth­er: Yes, hon­ey? Are you all right? Are the trains too noisy for you?
Lit­tle girl: Mom, guess what?
He­li­copter moth­er: What is it, sweet­ie pie?
Lit­tle girl: Mom, I have a vagi­na!
He­li­copter moth­er: (opens mouth in shock)

–South Fer­ry Train Sta­tion

Over­heard by: ABrook­lyn­Baby’s­Nan­ny