Archive for 2009

…Which Is Why My Par­ents Had No More Kids Af­ter Me.

Whiny yup­pie hip­ster #1: All the things we sup­pos­ed­ly owe these peo­ple, just be­cause they gave us life.
Whiny yup­pie hip­ster #2, se­mi-iron­i­cal­ly: Ex­act­ly. I mean, who asked to be born?
Whiny yup­pie hip­ster #3, earnest­ly: No­body! No­body ever asks to be born!

–Green­mar­ket, Union Square

Over­heard by: Suze V

More Than George W. Bush Has Ad­mit­ted

Home­boy #1: You lie.
Home­boy #2: I don’t.
Home­boy #1: You so lie.
Home­boy #2: I don’t lie.
Home­boy #1: You lie. You lie. You lie. You lie.
Home­boy #2: I do not lie.
Home­boy #2: You stretch the truth.
Home­boy #2: Well. Now you’re talkin’.

–10th & 57th

But It’s the New Trend in Long-Dis­tance Re­la­tion­ships!

An­gry young man: She fuck­ing broke up with me over a hand­job!
Im­pas­sive friend: Well, how did that hap­pen?
An­gry young man: I was about to cum, and she was there, right there!, you know? Be­tween my legs! So I told her I was go­ing to, and she just fuckin’ stared at me. I was like, “Ba­by, this is com­ing.” Se­ri­ous­ly. It does hap­pen. “Lift your shirt up or some­thing,” I said to her. You know? And she just, fuckin’, on her knees, shuf­fles back­wards and to her left–a good three yards away- still whack­ing me off. So, I’m like, “Ba­by, what the fuck? You can’t give a hand­job from across the room.” You know, dude? That’s like one of those fuck­ing old peo­ple ex­tend­ing claw arm shits jerk­ing you off from the cor­ner when you’re sit­ting in the cen­ter of your room! Fuck, dude!
Im­pas­sive friend, laugh­ing: Yo, I’d blue-ball you, too, if you called me a fuck­ing ro­bot while I was get­ting you off!

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: FrankALank

Fifth: Dick.

Young woman #1, be­fore movie starts: I’m gonna go.
Young woman #2: Why? Don’t go.
Young woman #1: I’m gonna meet up with my man.
Young woman #2: Come on! Don’t you want to stay for the movie?
Young woman #1: I’m gonna leave now cause: first of all… booty call. Sec­ond of all… dick. Third of all… dick. Fourth… my man is sick and I have Tums with me.

–Movie, Bryant Park