An­gry young man: She fuck­ing broke up with me over a hand­job!
Im­pas­sive friend: Well, how did that hap­pen?
An­gry young man: I was about to cum, and she was there, right there!, you know? Be­tween my legs! So I told her I was go­ing to, and she just fuckin’ stared at me. I was like, “Ba­by, this is com­ing.” Se­ri­ous­ly. It does hap­pen. “Lift your shirt up or some­thing,” I said to her. You know? And she just, fuckin’, on her knees, shuf­fles back­wards and to her left–a good three yards away- still whack­ing me off. So, I’m like, “Ba­by, what the fuck? You can’t give a hand­job from across the room.” You know, dude? That’s like one of those fuck­ing old peo­ple ex­tend­ing claw arm shits jerk­ing you off from the cor­ner when you’re sit­ting in the cen­ter of your room! Fuck, dude!
Im­pas­sive friend, laugh­ing: Yo, I’d blue-ball you, too, if you called me a fuck­ing ro­bot while I was get­ting you off!

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: FrankALank