Archive for 2009

Even the Dogs Can Re­cite This Sto­ry by Now

Mid­dle aged dad: Re­minds me of some­thing I saw around 1968. This hip­pie had two dogs…
Teenage daugh­ter, in­ter­rupt­ing: One was named Shit­sy Mc­Fuck and the oth­er was named Fucksy Mc­Shit.
Mid­dle aged dad: I guess I told you that sto­ry be­fore, huh?
Teenage daugh­ter: So many times, I can’t be­lieve you’re not in a nurs­ing home.

–In Line to see Art Ex­hi­bi­tion, W46th St

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

A Good New York Day Is a Day You Don’t Get Some­one Else’s Poo on You

Girl in bath­room stall: Ohmy­godohmy­godohmy­god!
Girl by sink: What?
Girl in bath­room stall: I just flushed the toi­let be­cause there was blue stuff in it and it splashed every­where! I just saw that there’s poo in the blue stuff!
Girl by sink: Gross! Did it get on you?
Girl in bath­room stall: It splashed my butt! Some­one else’s poo splashed my butt!

–Re­gal Cin­e­mas, Union Square

How Do You Think I Got In­to That Soror­i­ty?

Girl #1: I want to get preg­nant in March. Let’s get preg­nant in march.
Girl #2: Wait, where are we now?
Girl #1: My uterus is ready.
Girl #2: I had a full check­up, and my uteri are great.
Girl #1: Oh my god, you have two uterus­es? You are awe­some! You have ut­ters. You have yoo-ut­ters!
Girl #2: Yeah, I have three breasts.

–Cafe near Co­lum­bia

Over­heard by: DL