JAP #1: I hate when people use the word “do.“
JAP #2: (stares)
JAP #1: Like wrong.
–The Quad Cinema
Overheard by: selface
Archive for 2009
I Think We Need a Double Standard Here
Girl #1, watching young stud actor: Dude! He’s so hot.
Girl #2: He’s 15.
Girl #1: Yeah! But I mean in real life…
Girl #2: He’s probably 12.
Girl #1: Hm.
–Angelika Theatre
I’m Not Mumbling, I’m Waffling
Jewish father: Here, let me zipper your jacket.
Three-year old girl: Hmm… yeah… let’s. Yeah, well…
Jewish father: Stop mumbling already. You know no one can understand you?
–Lower East Side
Easily Beating Jesus’ Three-Day Record
Girl: I’m allergic to mold, trees and grass. That’s like… you know… nature!
Friend: Oh my god! And I take an eighth of a Benadryl and I am dead for a week.
Girl: Oh my god… Me too!
–Bathroom, Cafeteria at the Met
We Were With Him Until “Came Out Of the Ice.” How About You?
Crazy man: I would like to see that Hermes (pronounces it Her-MEES) scarf.
Man selling scarves and necklaces: It’s pronounced air-mess. If you can’t pronounce it, you probably can’t afford it.
Crazy man: But in Greek it’s pronounced Her-MEES.
Man selling scarves and necklaces: That has nothing to do with this scarf. The French can call it whatever they want.
Crazy man, to himself as he walks away: The French? The french with their Louis XIV wanting to be called the Sun King? What do the French know? They just came out of the ice! They don’t know anything about anything!
Man selling scarves and necklaces, to himself: If you can’t prononuce it, you can’t afford it. That’s funny.
–17th & 6th
Overheard by: Siena
I’m in Training for the “That’s What She Said” Quarterfinals
Guy #1: Man, my office is full of dicks.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too.
Guy #1: Yeah, but mine is a lot smaller than yours.
Guy #2, laughing: Do you hear yourself talk?
–115st & Frederick Douglass
Overheard by: TL
Destiny’s Child: Really Makes You Think
Salesgirl: And this is the Carol’s Daughter line of hair and body products. The creator named it after her mother, Carol.
Sarcastic customer: Really? Wow, I’d never imagine that.
Salesgirl, not getting sarcasm: Yeah, isn’t that really cool?
–Sephora, W 34th St
Overheard by: nisey79
What Happens When You Cheat on the Test
Dude #1: Dude, you’re gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don’t know, I don’t know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you’re gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I’m gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I’m glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn’t really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Lili
I’ve Decided to Add a Whole Additional Set Of Dietary Requirements
Girl #1: Wait, I thought you didn’t eat meat?
Girl #2: I’m a pescetarian.
Girl #1: Oh. Aren’t you Jewish?
–Sushi Samba, Park Ave
We’re Not at the Point Where We Can Discuss Money
Big goofy guy in Yankees jacket: I just need some money for rent.
Little girl with half-braided hairstyle: You told me you wanted me to move on. Why don’t you ask your girlfriend for money?
–40th St & 8th Ave
