Man passing out flyers: Now where do you ladies live?
Girl (whispering): Narnia.
–Times Square
Archive for 2009
How Tourists Learn to Pretend to Be Deaf
Man: I’m sorry to disturb you, but was I mean to you in junior high school? You look just like her and I just want to apologize for anything mean I may have said to you.
Girl: I am not her.
Man: Wow, really? You look just like her and I want to say I’m sorry. So will you forgive me?
Girl: I am not her.
Man: But will you accept my apology?
Girl: I’m not her, um, but, um sure?
Man: You seem so hesitant, where are you from?
Girl: Arizona.
Man: Ahhh, Arizona! Did you come up with that outfit yourself.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: TheNewPaul
Noooo…!
(homeless woman who smells like urine exits train).
Gay guy to rest of train: Okay, does anybody have something I can spritz over here to get rid of this lingering smell?
(everybody on the train looks at him like he’s crazy)
Sorority girl, smelling the urine: Oh my god. Is this smell from that woman?
Gay guy: Yeah.
Sorority girl: It’s okay, I have something to spray over here.
(digs into purse and takes out an oddly shaped bottle of perfume, sprays a few times, and sits down)
Gay guy: That’s a cool bottle.
Sorority girl: Thanks, it’s Britney.
–2 Train
And Good Luck Finding Him a Key Chain
Regular mom: What’s your son’s name?
Wealthy Tribeca mom: E‑berry.
Regular mom: Excuse me?
Wealthy Tribeca mom: E‑berry. We wanted our son to be unique.
Regular mom, grabbing son and leaving: Come on, Thomas.
–Washington Market Park
Overheard by: laughing nanny
The Polite Term Is “The Ladies’ Restroom”
Girl #1: Look at that painting. Is it called “hairy balls”?
Girl #2: It should be.
Girl #1: If it’s not called “hairy balls,” I’m leaving.
(girl #2 goes to look, comes back)
Girl #2: Something about a baby.
Girl #1: Okay, that’s it.
Girl #2: Look, there are thumbtacks near his balls. That has to suck.
Girl #1: Let’s go back to the vagina room.
–MoMA
You’re Reading Way Too Much Into Those Serta Commercials, Guys.
Man #1, with hands in the air: And what the hell is with those sheep?
Man #2: They originate from New Zealand, right?
–1st Ave & 10th
What’s Wrong With My Tasti D‑Lite?
Girl #1: God, they’re opening another damn Pinkberry here?
Girl #2 (indignant): I know, next they’re going to open a Pinkberry in my ass!
Girl #1: Well, it would be a better alternative to what you’ve got going on now.
–Columbus & 74th St
Overheard by: might want to try that
…Four or Five Hours After You Report Them
Woman with migraine: Help me! I’m dying! I’m dying!
Triage nurse: Alright ma’am, just calm down and tell me what the problem is.
Woman with migraine: I’m fucking dying, what are you, stupid?
Triage nurse: Well, as soon as you develop some signs or symptoms other than being obnoxious, we’ll talk.
–NYU Medical Center ER
Overheard by: Turn their ankles
Elements Upon Which Our Country Was Founded
Girl #1: You should definitely Netflix it, it’s totally your kind of movie.
Girl #2, skeptically: You think?
Girl #1: Well, you love racism and cowboys don’t you?
–MoMA
Your Editors Have Warned You About This
Guy in stall, as Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” begins to play: Hello? Yeah, what’s up? Nothing, just takin’ a dump. Taking a dump. Okay, I’ll call you later.
Guy in next stall: Fuckin’ Coldplay? How gay are you?
Guy in stall: Fuck you, dude!
–TGI Friday’s, 5th Ave
