Fashion girl #1, on 9⁄11: Did you see the two large lights in the sky?
Fashion girl #2: Yeah, crazy, right? I think they put them up for Fashion Week.
–King & Varick
Archive for 2009
According to the Zagat Guide for Bigots
Asian NYU freshman: I still can’t get over how many gay couples there are here! Especially when you see the black ones.
Naive friend: Really? That must be so weird.
Asian NYU freshman: Yeah, it is! I’m like, “Black people are supposed to be all ghetto, and cool!”
–Union Square
Overheard by: Really??
Normal for an American, or What?
20-something skinny hipster girl: I’m in an eating phase. It started on Tuesday, and it’ll go until Friday, if I’ve calculated my lunar cycle correctly.
20-something skinny hipster boy: Yeah, me too… I hadn’t eaten for weeks, so I’ll probably go til Saturday or Sunday.
20-something skinny hipster girl: What about you?
20-something chubby stoned hipster girl: I don’t know what the fuck you guys are talking about. I eat like a normal person.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: emily darwin
Ever Seen a Woman Before, Jason?
Guy: For real, this guy has two assholes. Like, vertically arranged.
–14th & 7th
…I Just Can’t Read Yet
Mother: What do you have there?
Five-year-old daughter: My schedule.
Mother: Do you know what class you have first?
Five-year-old daughter: Mom, I’m not retarded.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
Why Metrosexuals Exist.
Girl #1: Oh my god, he was so hot.
Girl #2: I know, I’d totally fuck him if he were gay.
–Midtown
…With Your Mom
Father: Well, to really make it moist you gotta shove it in there.
Son: That’s what she said!
Father: How ’bout you go back to the kids table?
Son: Yes, sir.
–Peter Luger Restaurant
Which Part Of the Cow Do You Think It Comes From?
Girl #1: And that’s why we don’t drink breast milk anymore.
Girl #2: Oh, really? That’s interesting.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Highly disturbed commuter
You There in the Back Row — This Means You.
Student, referring to pinus: Wait, does that actually mean “penis”?
Latin teacher: No. But once I made a joke about penises in a paper in college and my teacher wrote, “never do this”.
(class laughs)
Latin teacher: So guys, don’t play with your penises!
–Bard High School Early College
Overheard by: Theseus
American Hipsters Are More American Than Hipster
Stoned 20-something hipster #1, on Disney music: Noooo, Robin Hood is so gay!
Stoned 20-something hipster #2, playing “Not in Nottingham”: It is *not* gay! It’s honest!
–St. Clemens Church & Theater
Overheard by: emily darwin
