Asian girl #1: I always wondered what chalk tasted like.
Asian girl #2: (silence)
Asian girl #1: Do you know what chalk tastes like?
–Elizabeth Center
Archive for 2009
…Whatever President Obama May Think
Black gay guy #1: We better get back to class. This shopping can wait for another day.
Black gay guy #2: Class can wait in the name of fashion.
–Clothing Shop, Williamsberg
When You Buy the Front Of a Dog, You Get the Back for Free
Father, pointing out woman cleaning up tiny turd from tiny dog: See, if we got a dog, that’s what you would have to do.
Five-year-old son, near hysterics: Noooooo!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
The Food Police Are Everywhere
Larger woman in elevator eating Snickers bar: No matter what I do, I can’t lose no weight!
Less fat friend: Mm-hmm.
(elevator goes one floor up and stops. Both go to get off)
Suit #1: Unbelievable, no wonder you have weight issues.
Larger woman: What? ‘scuse me? What you know about me?
Suit: Other than you are fat, can’t take the stairs for one floor, and are stuffing your face with a king size Snickers?
Less fat friend: Shit, he do know you.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Hormones: An OINY Short Story
Teenage boy #1: Dude, that mannequin was hot!
Teenage boy #2: Imagine if it had a head and limbs!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Dave Rabkin
You’re Right, but for All the Wrong Reasons
Not from New York husband: Honey, we can eat over there. (points at Tavern on the Green)
Not from New York wife: Ew! No, I am not going to eat at a tavern. That’s gross.
–Central Park
…Clearly You Have No Grasp Of Bikini Wrestling Bylaws, Sir.
Guy holding baking mix: Excuse me, where’s the vegetable oil?
Employee: We don’t have vegetable oil, but I think canola oil should work fine with that.
Guy, sarcastically: Oh, you think canola oil would work?
–Trader Joe’s, 14th St
Also How to Get Banned from Nobu.
Girlfriend: Learn anything new today?
Boyfriend: How to say “sexual offender” in Japanese!
–Central Park
Overheard by: lynn
Tracy Chapman’s Been Saying That Since 1988
Bag lady to white guy whistling “When the Saints Go Marching In”: Damn, nigger, that’s my jam!
Guy: I’m… Ummm… sorry?
Bag lady: Yeah? Fuck you too!
(guy and girl walk away)
Bag lady: Shit, I gotta get outta this town and get my own place!
–L Train
Overheard by: The Music Man
I Checked Her Birth Certificate
Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don’t know about that girl. She just don’t fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.
–Brooklyn
