Asian girl #1: I always wondered what chalk tasted like.
Asian girl #2: (silence)
Asian girl #1: Do you know what chalk tastes like?
–Elizabeth Center
Archive for 2009
…Whatever President Obama May Think
Black gay guy #1: We better get back to class. This shopping can wait for another day.
Black gay guy #2: Class can wait in the name of fashion.
–Clothing Shop, Williamsberg
I Recommend Ritual Suicide
Girl #1: Why should you have him? I've been single for 20 months.
Girl #2: 20 months?! I'd be ashamed!
–34th & 7th
When You Buy the Front Of a Dog, You Get the Back for Free
Father, pointing out woman cleaning up tiny turd from tiny dog: See, if we got a dog, that's what you would have to do.
Five-year-old son, near hysterics: Noooooo!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
The Food Police Are Everywhere
Larger woman in elevator eating Snickers bar: No matter what I do, I can't lose no weight!
Less fat friend: Mm-hmm.
(elevator goes one floor up and stops. Both go to get off)
Suit #1: Unbelievable, no wonder you have weight issues.
Larger woman: What? 'scuse me? What you know about me?
Suit: Other than you are fat, can't take the stairs for one floor, and are stuffing your face with a king size Snickers?
Less fat friend: Shit, he do know you.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Hormones: An OINY Short Story
Teenage boy #1: Dude, that mannequin was hot!
Teenage boy #2: Imagine if it had a head and limbs!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Dave Rabkin
You're Right, but for All the Wrong Reasons
Not from New York husband: Honey, we can eat over there. (points at Tavern on the Green)
Not from New York wife: Ew! No, I am not going to eat at a tavern. That's gross.
–Central Park
And a Man I Can Pee With!
Frustrated hobo: What are you looking for?
Batty bag lady: A car!
Frustrated hobo: Well, what kind of car?
Batty bag lady: A car I can pee between!
–Eldridge & Broome
Overheard by: Nic
New York Girls Have Always Swooned for Quasimodo's “Ironic” Sense Of Style
Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny's dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I'm not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!”
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.
–167th & Broadway
…Clearly You Have No Grasp Of Bikini Wrestling Bylaws, Sir.
Guy holding baking mix: Excuse me, where's the vegetable oil?
Employee: We don't have vegetable oil, but I think canola oil should work fine with that.
Guy, sarcastically: Oh, you think canola oil would work?
–Trader Joe's, 14th St