Older black man: How’s you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I’m very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!
–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights
Archive for 2009
The Equally Unpleasant Male Equivalent Of a “Little Dick” Insult
Aspiring street musician: Hey, lady! Wanna buy my CD?
Lady: Nope! That shit’s rap and I only like R&B!
Aspiring street musician: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t be outside with your pussy smelling like that!
–Outside Macy’s
Overheard by: Nick Spiller
By the Time South Park Mocks You, You’re Over
Dad to seven-year-old: Do you want to see 2012?
Seven-year-old: God, no. Who directed it? Michael Bay?
–Regal Theater, 14th St
Most Musicals Would Be a Lot Different If They Were Set in NYC
Group of friends, singing: Tell me more! Tell me more!
Soloist: Did she poop on your face?
–19th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lotte
Tonight’s Movie: She Got Blame
Little girl with large nose and pink jacket: Mommy, why is it cold out?
Mom with large nose wearing blue parka: Because your father is an asshole!
–F Train
What About Penis Juice, Though?
Little girl: Orange juice is good, but oranges are bad. Peanut butter is good, but peanuts are bad. Why?
Friend: Hahahahaha! You said penis.
Little girl: Hahahahahaah! Penis!
–M104 Bus
Plus I’m His Dealer.
Teenage girl: Yeah, well… I’m *really* close with the school principal.
Teenage friend, raising eyebrow: Are you?
Teenaged girl: No. I mean really close. Like, “spank me daddy” close!
(teenage friend accidentally puts the lit end of a cigarette in her mouth and starts screaming)
–59th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Peanuts
Woman #1: We did it on his lunch break in a hotel by that cafe we like.
Woman #2: So I’m guessing it was quick?
Woman #1: Yeah, like one of those cartoons.
–Canal St
Overheard by: Mark
You May Be Thinking Of TV’s Friends
Well-dressed 60-something crazy white man looking into artsy coffee shop: What movie is this?
30-something white artsy man, smoking: This? This is a coffee shop.
Well-dressed 60-something crazy white man: Yes, yes… But what movie?
–Cafe, Luldow St
Here’s Leonardo DiCaprio to Explain
Wife: The Titanic sank for hours?!
Husband: No, the sign says the Titanic sank four hours. Over a thousand people died.
Wife: Why didn’t they just get on the life boats?
–Titanic Exhibit
