The Equally Unpleasant Male Equivalent Of a “Little Dick” Insult

Aspiring street musician: Hey, lady! Wanna buy my CD?
Lady: Nope! That shit’s rap and I only like R&B!
Aspiring street musician: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t be outside with your pussy smelling like that!

–Outside Macy’s

Overheard by: Nick Spiller

By the Time South Park Mocks You, You’re Over

Dad to seven-year-old: Do you want to see 2012?
Seven-year-old: God, no. Who directed it? Michael Bay?

–Regal Theater, 14^th St

Most Musicals Would Be a Lot Different If They Were Set in NYC

Group of friends, singing: Tell me more! Tell me more!
Soloist: Did she poop on your face?

–19^th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lotte

Tonight’s Movie: She Got Blame

Little girl with large nose and pink jacket: Mommy, why is it cold out?
Mom with large nose wearing blue parka: Because your father is an asshole!

–F Train

What About Penis Juice, Though?

Little girl: Orange juice is good, but oranges are bad. Peanut butter is good, but peanuts are bad. Why?
Friend: Hahahahaha! You said penis.
Little girl: Hahahahahaah! Penis!

–M104 Bus

Plus I’m His Dealer.

Teenage girl: Yeah, well… I’m *really* close with the school principal.
Teenage friend, raising eyebrow: Are you?
Teenaged girl: No. I mean really close. Like, “spank me daddy” close!
(teenage friend accidentally puts the lit end of a cigarette in her mouth and starts screaming)

–59^th St & 9^th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Peanuts

Woman #1: We did it on his lunch break in a hotel by that cafe we like.
Woman #2: So I’m guessing it was quick?
Woman #1: Yeah, like one of those cartoons.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Mark

You May Be Thinking Of TV’s Friends

Well-dressed 60-something crazy white man looking into artsy coffee shop: What movie is this?
30-something white artsy man, smoking: This? This is a coffee shop.
Well-dressed 60-something crazy white man: Yes, yes… But what movie?

–Cafe, Luldow St

Here’s Leonardo DiCaprio to Explain

Wife: The Titanic sank for hours?!
Husband: No, the sign says the Titanic sank four hours. Over a thousand people died.
Wife: Why didn’t they just get on the life boats?

–Titanic Exhibit

Your Editors Are Shocked

Woman #1 in line to man with Tim McGraw’s “Skydiving” as ringtone: I thought I was the only person in the Bronx who listened to country music!
Man, laughing: Well, there’s me, too.
Woman #2, further up the line: Me, too!

–Post Office, 187^th St & Belmont Ave

Overheard by: eternal student