Archive for April, 2010

School­teach­ers Don’t Get Paid Enough.

Young teacher: So he would take a pack of sta­ples, sit at his desk, pick them apart, and throw them. That’s ded­i­ca­tion!
Friend: (laughs)
Young teacher: Yeah, and then he would get his friend to call his phone from out­side the class­room and it would ring and make this squeak­ing noise. We caught a mouse the day be­fore, so I lit­er­al­ly stopped the class to look for it.

–Star­bucks

Here’s Dr. Seuss to Ex­plain

JAP: So, they’re open­ing this new pop-up shop in So­Ho…
Asian friend: Why is it when white peo­ple open a tem­po­rary store it’s called a “pop-up shop,” but when any oth­er race does, it’s called a “bazaar?”

–Q15 Bus

Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things with­out get­ting hurt?

–K‑Mart, As­tor Place

Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I to­tal­ly would­n’t cheat on my girl­friend, un­less it was with a hot chick.

–Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: La­dle

Guy to an­oth­er, as smok­ing hot woman walks by: She’s so hot I’d eat the corn out of her poop!

–42nd & Broad­way

Guy to din­ner date: I hate it when peo­ple tag me on Face­book. It’s like, I’m in sweat pants! I’m a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You’re gonna tag that?! Like “tap that.” You’re gonna “tag that”? (pause) What do you think about the wait­ress, pret­ty hot huh?

–Din­er, Wash­ing­ton Heights

Over­heard by: April Marks

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Fifty Nurs­ery School Re­jec­tion Let­ters

Two-year-old boy to mom: And af­ter din­ner, it’s butt-shak­ing time!

–Brook­lyn Heights

Tot in stroller: Mom­my, I want the tabouleh… Mom­my! My tabouleh!

–Food Em­po­ri­um

Lit­tle broth­er pes­ter­ing old­er broth­er play­ing PSP: What do you like bet­ter, Nutel­la or A‑Rod?

–Stan­ton Tai­lor Shop

Two-year-old, af­ter falling to floor when train swerved: Moth­er, I re­sent that.

–G Train

Over­heard by: Sun­ny