Archive for November, 2010

The Re­al Prob­lem with San­dra Bul­lock and Jesse James

Drunk guy: I want a de­fin­i­tive an­swer… Yes or no. I just want to hear you say “I want to be with you.“
Em­bar­rassed sober girl: Dan, I want to be with you.
Drunk guy: That’s all I want­ed to hear… I want to go down on you.
Em­bar­rassed sober girl: Shhh!
Drunk guy: I want to lick your vagi­na. I want to lick your vagi­na!
Em­bar­rassed sober girl: Be qui­et!
Drunk guy: Do you want me to cum on you?


Look– Fu­ture-Me Says I Be­come a Top!

Gay guy: Oh, I just re­al­ized I took Tyler’s phone this morn­ing.
Straight guy: That’s what hap­pens when you and your boyfriend get iden­ti­cal phones.
Gay guy: Bril­liant idea–I’m go­ing to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I’ll pre­tend to be him from the fu­ture and start mak­ing dire pre­dic­tions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he no­ticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-fu­ture.
Straight guy: You guys are an odd­ly per­fect cou­ple.

–87th St & 3rd Ave

The Best I Can Do Is Hos­tile Hum­ming

Hot girl #1: He was in­to weird shit.
Hot girl #2: Like what?
Hot girl #1: Well, noth­ing too crazy. Just un­usu­al stuff. Like, he liked me to say de­grad­ing things to him as I was blow­ing him. If it was­n’t suf­fi­cient­ly de­grad­ing he could­n’t get off.
Hot girl #2: That is weird.
Hot girl #1: Yeah, and I mean, for one, I’m not re­al­ly com­fort­able with that; and sec­ond, it’s re­al­ly hard to talk with a dick in your mouth.
Hot girl #2, se­ri­ous­ly: To­tal­ly.

–Wine Bar, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: I’ve no­ticed this too.

…So It’s Not a Can­dy?

Hip­ster girl, loud­ly to friend: What does s&m stand for, any­way?
Friend: What?
Hip­ster girl: What does s&m mean?
Ran­dom girl, tak­ing out ear­buds: Sadism and masochism.
Hip­ster girl: Oh. (pause) Thanks. (long, em­bar­rassed si­lence en­sues)

–L Train

Young Mr. Du­ran Is Just Hun­gry Like the Wolf

Pret­ty teen girl #1: Did you know there’s a guy in our school who looks ex­act­ly like Tay­lor Laut­ner?
Pret­ty teen girl #2: Se­ri­ous­ly?
Pret­ty teen girl #1: Yeah. His name is Al­i­son.
Pret­ty teen girl #2: Ew. That’s such an ug­ly name!
Pret­ty teen girl #1: I know. He like, stares… If you turn around and look at him, he’s look­ing at you. All the girls think he’s star­ing at them. You know how all the girls in that group are pret­ty?
Pret­ty teen girl #2: I know! It’s crazy!

–Star­bucks, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Kather­ine Wal­lace