Asian mother, walking past smoker: Get your cigarette away from my baby!
Smoker: Get your baby away from my cigarette!
Old woman: Yeah! Fuck you, lady!
–W 96th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Hobbes
Archive for November, 2010
The Real Problem with Sandra Bullock and Jesse James
Drunk guy: I want a definitive answer… Yes or no. I just want to hear you say “I want to be with you.”
Embarrassed sober girl: Dan, I want to be with you.
Drunk guy: That's all I wanted to hear… I want to go down on you.
Embarrassed sober girl: Shhh!
Drunk guy: I want to lick your vagina. I want to lick your vagina!
Embarrassed sober girl: Be quiet!
Drunk guy: Do you want me to cum on you?
–PATH
Look– Future-Me Says I Become a Top!
Gay guy: Oh, I just realized I took Tyler's phone this morning.
Straight guy: That's what happens when you and your boyfriend get identical phones.
Gay guy: Brilliant idea–I'm going to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I'll pretend to be him from the future and start making dire predictions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he noticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-future.
Straight guy: You guys are an oddly perfect couple.
–87th St & 3rd Ave
The Best I Can Do Is Hostile Humming
Hot girl #1: He was into weird shit.
Hot girl #2: Like what?
Hot girl #1: Well, nothing too crazy. Just unusual stuff. Like, he liked me to say degrading things to him as I was blowing him. If it wasn't sufficiently degrading he couldn't get off.
Hot girl #2: That is weird.
Hot girl #1: Yeah, and I mean, for one, I'm not really comfortable with that; and second, it's really hard to talk with a dick in your mouth.
Hot girl #2, seriously: Totally.
–Wine Bar, East Village
Overheard by: I've noticed this too.
…So It's Not a Candy?
Hipster girl, loudly to friend: What does s&m stand for, anyway?
Friend: What?
Hipster girl: What does s&m mean?
Random girl, taking out earbuds: Sadism and masochism.
Hipster girl: Oh. (pause) Thanks. (long, embarrassed silence ensues)
–L Train
Young Mr. Duran Is Just Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty teen girl #1: Did you know there's a guy in our school who looks exactly like Taylor Lautner?
Pretty teen girl #2: Seriously?
Pretty teen girl #1: Yeah. His name is Alison.
Pretty teen girl #2: Ew. That's such an ugly name!
Pretty teen girl #1: I know. He like, stares… If you turn around and look at him, he's looking at you. All the girls think he's staring at them. You know how all the girls in that group are pretty?
Pretty teen girl #2: I know! It's crazy!
–Starbucks, Chelsea
Overheard by: Katherine Wallace
That's a Pretty Raw Image, Johnny.
Woman: Did you see Lady Gaga when she wore that meat costume?
Man: That's one crazy bitch. I'd tenderloin the shit out of her.
–Outside Toys-R-Us, Time Square
Overheard by: Damien
Girl, Watch Your Mouth!
Ghetto girl #1 looking at lingerie: Who has the time, really?
Ghetto girl #2: Oh, girl, I do! Hello! You can lick me outta this, you ain't even gotta take it off.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Brooke
A 68 Is Where You Blow Me and I Owe You One
Guy: That was a great blowjob.
Girl: You're still gonna fuck me, right?
Guy: Not tonight… I have to go home and buy some chicken for dinner.
–E 74th St & 1st Ave
We Can Only Dream They're Talking About Victoria Beckham.
Club boy #1: So you must tell me: how was posh last night?
Club boy #2: Oh, I don't know. I'm not really sure what happened, but at some point someone, um, bit my nipple and ever since, it just, um, hasn't been the same.
–53rd & 9th
Overheard by: Andrew L