Archive for December, 2010

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Find Nemo

Woman on cell: Num­ber one: I’ll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Num­ber two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!

–Steps, The Met

Over­heard by: gos­sip­girl­ish

Boy to moth­er: Ma­ma, can we sur­prise grand­pa with a cat­fish?

–Cen­tral Park East

Over­heard by: wal­ter

Woman read­ing map: No dead fish in Ne­bras­ka.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with per­fume. Now it smells like a fish died and the oth­er fish sent flow­ers.

–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave

Sug­ar N’ Spice and Every­thing Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Fat girl to her­self: Walk by the cakes, walk by the cakes.

–Grand Cen­tral

Sales guy: We’ve got your whale, now you want to get a cup­cake?

–FAO Schwartz

Col­lege girl to friend: Yay! Some­one is guard­ing the queer cup­cakes!

–Lern­er Hall, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Lit­tle girl: I want ice cream! (moth­er keeps walk­ing) You’re fired!

–125th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Pauly D.

Gui­do: It just de­pends where you put your pe­nis.

–South Street Sea­port

Gui­do on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mm­mm ‚yeah. Where are you right now?

–Wag­n­er Col­lege

Over­heard by: Ferch

Gui­do: I’m about to go back to Men’s Ware­house and be like, “what the fuck?”

–51st St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Puer­to Ri­can girl: That’s it! Ko­re­ans are like Asian Gui­dos! Ex­cept they don’t tan…

–59th & 10th

Over­heard by: shawn