Archive for 2010

You Don’t Really Know Someone ’til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them

Girl: I haven’t told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she’s having sex.

–L Train

Man to two female companions: Don’t you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate’s pubes on the sink?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Sarah

Jersey mom: We’re so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn’t stay up late or listen to rock music.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Liz

Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?

–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square

Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.

–University Place & E 9th

Wednesday Loves the Smell Of One-Liners’ Hair

20-something suit on phone: Yeah, man. Just come over. We can spoon and talk about chicks and shit.

–Wall & Pearl

Overheard by: traceface

Thug to another: Those bitches be cuddlin’ your wounds!

–42nd St

Hispanic woman on phone: Yeah, it’s crazy snowin’ outside. (pause) Uh-huh, yeah, you wanna cuddle. (pause) Hahaha, uh-oh! (pause) Uh-oh, spaghetti‑o! (pause) Haha, no, you’ve already done that. (pause) Hahaha… You’ve done that already. I have to spin the other way now.. (pause) He he he, you’re crazy. Hee heee. (pause) Well, you have a lovely day inside a warm place!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Crazy lady to herself: Does anyone wanna snuggle me for the hell of it? (five minutes later) Why are all these people here? Is it a workday? Cuz if it is, I’m going to get fired. I need a beer!

–G Train

Overheard by: LaughedOutLoud

Guy at cafe: I have pillows just for spooning.

–6th St & 2nd Ave

Melonsday Jug-Liners

Middle-aged theatrical man, watching summer crowds: Ah! Manhattan in the summer… The hypnotic sway of the unfettered breast…

–Rockefeller Center

Woman on cell to friend: If I have hips this big and I haven’t even had a kid, I’m getting boobs. I just want a nice round c cup!

–14th St & 10th ave

Overheard by: adam

Girl to boyfriend, after putting cell phone in her jacket: Yeah… That’s not a pocket, that’s my tit.

–L Train

Overheard by: TR

Guy on cell phone: What’s up, biscuit-tits?

–21st St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Steve

16-year-old girl to buxom pal: Your breasts are a personal attack on me!

–F Train

Overheard by: wish i was being attacked