Archive for 2010

Crowd­ing Out All the Per­fect­ly Ra­tio­nal Jews, Catholics and Mus­lims

Dra­ma queen: So we’re so right for each oth­er and we stayed up, like, for­ev­er talk­ing, and then he kissed me. But don’t get too ex­cit­ed; there’s a huge prob­lem.
Un­in­ter­est­ed friend: Mmm-hm?
Dra­ma queen: He’s a Mor­mon. Like, his whole fam­i­ly is Mor­mon, and he kind of sort of be­lieves in all that crap with the gold­en plates.
Un­in­ter­est­ed friend, sud­den­ly in­ter­est­ed: God­damn! Just when you think you’ve met the per­fect guy, you find out that he’s a Mor­mon. Shit. I tell you, those moth­er­fuck­ers are every­where!

–Star­bucks, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Ac­tu­al­ly, more like mul­ti­ple-teenage-girl fuck­ers, but that just does­n’t have the same ring.

One Way to Get Kids to Take Sub­way Rides in Peace

Small girl dressed as pink fairy to woman next to her dressed in brown dress with a pen­ta­cle neck­lace: Hi. I like your cos­tume.
Woman: Thank you, but it’s not a cos­tume.
(long pause)
Girl: What are you sup­posed to be, any­way?
Woman: A witch.
Girl: But you’re not re­al­ly a witch, right?
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: No, you’re not!
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: You can’t be a witch, you don’t even have a wand!
(woman pro­ceeds to pull wand out of her book­bag)
Girl: Eeee! Moooooooom­my! She’s go­ing to turn me in­to a frooooog!

–A Train