Girl, watching bulldog sprawled on sidewalk: Oh my god, I thought that was his head!
Guy: What, his butt?
–Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Archive for 2010
Crowding Out All the Perfectly Rational Jews, Catholics and Muslims
Drama queen: So we’re so right for each other and we stayed up, like, forever talking, and then he kissed me. But don’t get too excited; there’s a huge problem.
Uninterested friend: Mmm-hm?
Drama queen: He’s a Mormon. Like, his whole family is Mormon, and he kind of sort of believes in all that crap with the golden plates.
Uninterested friend, suddenly interested: Goddamn! Just when you think you’ve met the perfect guy, you find out that he’s a Mormon. Shit. I tell you, those motherfuckers are everywhere!
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Actually, more like multiple-teenage-girl fuckers, but that just doesn’t have the same ring.
You Know They Love to Eat Tuna, Though
Girl #1: I was reading this article about sexual fantasies that are better if they stay fantasies.
Girl #2: Like mermen?
Girl #1: I think they meant, like, titty-fucking and threesomes, but sure.
Girl #2: But mermen… That’s pretty complicated.
–60th & 3rd
Overheard by: …or that
Even the Bronx Won’t Admit to That
Very dorky girl: Oh, do you live in the neighborhood?
Very nerdy guy: Yeah! In Teaneck.
–97th St & Columbus
But I’d Only Stay with Him If He Had Money
Teenage girl #1, during class discussion about physical appearances: Like, if you saw a really hot guy, but then it turned out he was a jerk, would you still like him?
Teenage girl #2: Probably.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
In Autumn, Odors Of Feces Overtake the Summer Scents Of Urine
Out-of-town mother: What is that smell? It smells like shit.
Sarcastic daughter: That’s New York, mom.
Random black guy: Yeah, how do you like it?
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: ISmellNY
One Way to Get Kids to Take Subway Rides in Peace
Small girl dressed as pink fairy to woman next to her dressed in brown dress with a pentacle necklace: Hi. I like your costume.
Woman: Thank you, but it’s not a costume.
(long pause)
Girl: What are you supposed to be, anyway?
Woman: A witch.
Girl: But you’re not really a witch, right?
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: No, you’re not!
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: You can’t be a witch, you don’t even have a wand!
(woman proceeds to pull wand out of her bookbag)
Girl: Eeee! Moooooooommy! She’s going to turn me into a frooooog!
–A Train
…Minus Five Years and Twenty Pounds.
Hobo to lady: Hey, can I have a dollar?
Lady to hobo: Why? You already have a bottle of liquor, what else you need?
Hobo to lady: A fine pretty thing like you.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: I love NYC
…Wait– Are You Calling Me Fat?
Girl #1: I need to get my nails done because I’m going to be a panda for Halloween.
Girl #2, completely serious: Oh my god, you would make a great panda!
Girl #1, also completely serious: Thank you!
–NYU
If Not, I’m Totally Writing-In Ricky Martin
High School student #1: So you’re gonna vote?
High School student #2: Yeah, you get to miss first period when you vote.
High School student #1: Who you gonna vote for?
High School student #2: I dunno. I heard some Latino guy is running.
–Queens
