Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I’ll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!
–10th St & 4th Ave
Archive for 2010
Although Mimes in Whiteface Are Worse
Toddler girl: And if she does it again, I’ll kill her!
Mother: What?
Korean lady crossing the street: Blackface!
–W 3rd & Sullivan St
Overheard by: Billy Pelt
On the Plus Side, It Doubles As Spackle.
Skinny Indian girl: It’s hot in here.
Chunky white girl: Too hot.
Skinny Indian girl: Well, at least it’s better than too cold.
Chunky white girl: How so?
Skinny Indian girl: Well, now I can wear a t‑shirt.
Chunky white girl: Yeah, but like, if it gets too hot we can’t be whipping our clothes off. Nobody needs to see my pale shit.
Skinny Indian girl: Yeah, true.
Chunky white girl: Shit, girl. I have to buy my foundation at funeral homes.
–The Met
You Poor Man
20-something metrosexual: She just uses my penis whenever she wants.
Middle-aged man eating eclair: Mmm-hmm.
20-something metrosexual: Like, last weekend she used me as a rebound fuck.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Amused Straphanger
Charlie Brown Gets Very Upset With Linus
Loud guy running out of building: I’m so mad I could do stuff! I’m so pissed I’m going to do some stuff to him! Aughhhh! I’m gonna do some stuff!
Passerby: Don’t make him mad, he’s crazy. He’ll do… stuff.
–NYU Building, Washington Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
…I Just Drew a Naked Caveman with a Giant Member.
College girl in line: How did you answer the question asking about “nature versus nurture”?
College guy: That’s easy. I just said “that’s when parents let their kids run around in nature.“
College girl: Oh… right.
–Starbucks
Which Explains His Spheres Of Influence
Loud lady handing out pamphlets: Jesus is coming again!
Heckler: He didn’t even come the first time! Humanity gave him the blue balls!
–Atlantic Ave Station
…I Had a Big Lunch.
Fat black chick to random guy, rubbing and grabbing crotch: Mmm, come here baby, I washed it for ya.
Random guy: No, I don’t want any of that.
–Penn Station
…I’ve Seen Your Nature Valley
Teen girl: I’ve got that thing where the inside of your nose smells like Nutri-Grain bars, you know?
Friend: Umm…
Teen girl: Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!
–9th Ave
Hey, We’re Not That Irish
Professional-looking guy #1: How old is your sister?
Professional-looking guy #2: Twenty-two.
Professional-looking guy #1: Twenty-two? You guys are practically twins! What are you? Four, five months apart?
–Downtown A Train
