Archive for 2010

Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”

An­gry drunk girl to Gui­do friend she’s drag­ging along: Hey, it’s Lau­ra*! (yelling) Hey you, Lau­ra, you fuck­ing slut! I heard you fucked Tom­my*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fuck­ing whore!
Lau­ra: Hey, fuck you! I’ll fuck who­ev­er I want to fuck.
An­gry drunk girl: You fuck­ing slut! I can’t fuck­ing be­lieve you!
Lau­ra: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a re­al pack­age, then I’ll fuck him, and then you can com­plain.
An­gry drunk girl: You whore!
Passer­by: God, I love me some Bridge and Tun­nel on a Sat­ur­day night.
An­gry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tun­nel”?! That dick!

–86th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Ac­tu­al­ly, it’s WHOMev­er: you’ll fuck WHOMev­er you want to fuck.

Your Ed­i­tors Need to Go Lie Down

Un­der­grad stu­dent #1: The day af­ter Valen­tine’s Day is a hol­i­day, right?
Un­der­grad stu­dent #2: Yeah, it’s like Vet­er­ans Day or some­thing.
Un­der­grad stu­dent #3: I think it’s Mar­tin Luther King’s Day.
Un­der­grad stu­dent #1: I thought that was last month.
Un­der­grad stu­dent #3: No, Feb­ru­ary is Black His­to­ry Month.

–St. John’s Uni­ver­si­ty, Queens Cam­pus

Afghanistan’s the Place for That Sort Of Thing

Girl: You know how, like, Chris* lives in the Bronx?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: And you know how like there are dri­ve-bys there all the time, right?
Guy: (gives her a skep­ti­cal look)
Girl: Well, Chris* was go­ing home late the oth­er night and there was a dri­ve-by! He says he saw blood and every­thing! Can you be­lieve that? Blood! Ewwwwww!
Guy: If you wit­nessed a dri­ve-by shoot­ing your first re­ac­tion would be, “ewwwwww!”? Mine would be “I got­ta get out of here be­fore I get shot!“
Girl: Any­way, it just proves my point about the Bronx.

–6 Train