I Think They Can Both Pull It Off

White hobo, descending from second floor: Hey! (entire restaurant freezes) Yo, fellas – stay black.
(complete silence)
Black guy: Yo, man – stay white.

–Burger King, Herald Square

If Only the Streets Had Signs

Tourist guy looking at map: We have to find 7^th Avenue. The tour guide said it was on 7^th Avenue.
Tourist lady: I know, but it’s also in Times Square, so we should go there first.

–7^th Ave & 43^rd St

Overheard by: DawllyLlama

Some Girls Just Shouldn’t Wear Booty Shorts

Girl #1: Where are your testicles today?
Girl #2: (stares at her)
Girl #1: Oh, fuck. I meant “spectacles”.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Pretending They’re Good Is Beyond Me

Queer #1: So, I was invited for vegan cupcakes tomorrow.
Queer #2: Ew!
Queer #1: I know. I don’t want to have to get up that early for vegan cupcakes.

–Christopher St & 7^th Ave

Overheard by: Colleen

Four Of Those Times Were Totally Other People’s Faults

Punk teenager to girlfriend, watching ambulance pass: See, those people are good, they save lives.
Punk girlfriend: Yeah, yours. How many times now?
Punk boyfriend, offended: That’s not funny.

–McKibbon Sreet, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rachel

Hard to Imagine How the World Got Overpopulated

Woman #1, seeing movie slide that read, “good karma, save Darfur”: That’s horrible to save Darfur so that you improve your karma.
Woman #2: Yeah, and you know another good reason not to save Darfur? Because it’s so trendy right now.
Woman #1: Yeah, there are a lot of other people that need saving.

–Angelika Theater

Well, I Run Into Her Online.

Woman #1: It’s so weird that I keep running into her!
Woman #2: I know! Especially since she lives in Dallas.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: eavesdropper

1^st-World Ethnic Cleansing

Man: What’s “gentrification”?
Woman: It’s the process by which gritty neighborhoods turn nice.

–Bryant Park

A Load Of Manhattan Schist

Visiting bimbo, about giant rock formation in Central Park: So, are these real or were they flown in?
Local bimbo: Oh, I’ll have to research that, but I think it’s a little from column A, a little from column B.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ed

You’ll Have Something to Put on the “Missing” Posters

7‑year-old little sister: Why do you like taking all those pictures of yourself?
14-year-old big sister: It’s called “MySpace”, duh!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Annifer