Girl #1: I don’t know… I tried that on last time I was here, and it made me look so pregnant.
Girl #2: You are pregnant!
–51st St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Amy
Girl #1: I don’t know… I tried that on last time I was here, and it made me look so pregnant.
Girl #2: You are pregnant!
–51st St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Amy
Guy: Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Girl: Huh?
Guy: It means “do you speak Dutch”?
Girl: Ohhhhhh.
–Outside McSorley’s Tavern, East Village
Overheard by: bildita
Teenage girl: I’m so happy! Nick* friended me on Facebook!
Teenage boy: That’s because he was high.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Father: Yeah, Shakespeare didn’t write too many kids’ plays.
Small child: Why?
Father: Um, it just wasn’t his thing.
–Central Park
Middle aged lawyer #1, reading newspaper: Childhood obesity is an epidemic? America is the only country where poor people are fat.
Middle aged lawyer #2: Cheap food is fattening.
Middle aged lawyer #1: Maybe so, but if they’re fat, they can’t be starving, right? Nobody ever starved to death while they were fat.
Middle aged lawyer #2: The reason they’re fat is that they can’t afford to eat healthy. Your comment is shockingly racist, hateful and ignorant.
Middle aged lawyer #1: Oh, now being fat is a race issue? Ever been to Disney World? They have white people there who could cause an eclipse.
Middle aged lawyer #2: Our agricultural policy encourages the poor to eat cheap, unhealthy calories. A Big Mac might make you full, but it also makes you fat!
Middle aged lawyer #1: McDonald’s sells salads too, ya know. Who’s forcing the poor to order Big Macs? Or to eat twelve of them?
Middle aged lawyer #2: If you believe you’re correct, why don’t you try living on a restricted budget and food stamps?
Middle aged lawyer #1: If my budget was so restricted, I might stop at the first Big Mac instead of ordering a dozen. And nice way to divert from the issue, which is that America’s poor are obviously not starving.
Female court reporter: That’s right. It’s the middle class that’s starving because they’re not getting government checks and food stamps.
Middle aged lawyer #2, with air of condescension, shaking head: How compassionate of you.
Middle aged lawyer #1: I’m very compassionate. I’m just not an enabler. I’m making a simple logical argument: fat people are not starving.
Middle aged lawyer #2, shaking head: Mere words do you no justice.
(the door to the room opens, and in comes the witness, an obese black teenager holding a McDonald’s bag. The smell of french fries fills the room).
Middle aged lawyer #1: Were you listening outside the door?
Confused teen: No.
–Court Reporting Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
White-haired lady #1: She’s gay. Didn’t you hear her say, “I can tell by the look on your face you’re gay”?
Friends: What?
White-haired lady #1: You know, gay! AC/DC. She goes both ways. She’s gay.
White-haired lady #2: No. (pause) She said “I can tell by the look on your face you’re a virgin.”
–Broadway Show
Overheard by: drewbear
Girl: Can I have a breakfast sandwich?
Dunkin’ Donuts employee: Yes, miss, what kind?
Girl: Breakfast.
–F Subway
Mother to young son: So we will get off at Port Authority.
Son: What’s that?
Mother: A place with very busy people.
–42nd & 9th
Overheard by: Raj S
Tall Mexican woman: Hey, whatever happened to that little boy?
Nonchalant short Asian woman: Well, they found his head but not his body.
Tall Mexican woman, rolling eyes: Figures.
–C Train
Guy#1, about girl who has just fallen from her bicycle: She has a concussion.
Guy#2: No, she’s still breathing.
–West Drive, Central Park
Overheard by: John
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist