Bubbly 40-something tourist lady: So now you have a MetroCard!
Sullen silver-haired male companion: Why?
–Union Square
Archive for 2010
No Glove, No Love, Babe
Out-of-town girl, smelling her hands: Gahh! My hands fucking stink!
Guy friend: I call those my New York gloves. Better get used to it.
–G Train
Overheard by: chris k.
Maybe She’d Tell Me I’m Pretty and That She Loves Me
Girl: I don’t date much.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Umm… No reason.
Guy: Are you a lesbian?
Girl: No!
Guy, pointing to a girl walking by: Would you date her?
Girl, thinking it over: I actually might.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Andrew
Strictly Speaking, It’d Be Coo-Coo
Jock #1: You know what would be cool?
Jock #2: No, what?
Jock #1: Using chocolate milk in cereal!
Jock #2: Oh man, like with cocoa puffs? Can you imagine how insane that would be?
–Supermarket, Upper West Side
Which She Does Every Weekend!
Guy with British accent: I can’t believe she blew me off again! It’s not even like she had Jay‑Z tickets!
Girl with British accent: No, she was just getting drunk with an Irishman!
–8th Street & Broadway
Overheard by: amalthya
And That, My Friend Is Why Diversity Is Good
Black girl #1, as she passes a white couple making out in the middle of the sidewalk: Dude, that’s where I got the idea to have sex in the park.
Black girl #2: What?
Black girl #1: Well, I didn’t get the idea from black people.
(black girl #2 laughs)
Black girl #1: What? Lots of people have sex in the park.
–Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: I love people.….
We’ll Find You a New Daddy at Happy Hour Tonight
Small boy, waving to man entering subway: Bye, daddy! See you tonight!
Mother: You will never see that man again.
–Broadway & Rector
Overheard by: neoteny4now
Not to Mention Your At-Home Abortion Attempt
Guy: You should be more like me.
Girl: Believe me, out of the five people in life I would like to emulate, you are not one of them.
Guy: Is that because I knocked you up?
Girl: Yeah, actually. That did bump you down a significant amount of notches.
–Downtown A Train
Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite
Guy on cell: It’s not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.
–Queens
Overheard by: Jess
Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!
–19th & 6th
Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said “here’s our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you’re in trouble!”
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scott
Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Brenna
Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn’t realize that meant she hadn’t been showering. As soon as I got there we started “hitting it”. It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.
–3rd St b/w Ave A & B
Overheard by: saffrosun
10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You
Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don’t know who they are, but I’m pretty sure I don’t like ’em!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: eternal student
Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it’s you again! Why do you hate me?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!
–Park Ave & 31st St
Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!
–Hot’n’Crusty, Upper West Side
